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Simple Support
Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some
difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support
phone number we found in the manual.
I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I
explained the problem to him.
He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.
"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a
small child?"
"Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your
mommy on the phone?"
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A true story (names have been changed).
Father, Mother and their 3 sons, John (the oldest), Mike
(middle) and Steve (youngest) are conversing around the
table after dinner. The subject of traits of parents being passed on to children comes up.
The Father says, "John has my eyes, Mike has my creativity,
and Steve has my intelligence."
Steve responds, "Daddy, what's intelligence?"
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A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
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Thanks to Whit Sasser -- The Indian And The Preacher
Once upon a time, a preacher of good John Wesley's
band,
Went forth upon a mission out in Indian land.
He gave the chief a Bible and journeyed on his way,
But came back through that section at a somewhat later
day.
The chief called on the preacher---whatever did give
rise?
"Chief want to be a Christian, me ready to be
baptized."
The preacher brought his "Jordan", a little china
bowl,
Then catechised the Indian with reference to his soul.
The chief gazed at the vessel with an apprehensive
look.
"The pond, he much too little, you give'um chief wrong
book."
The preacher urged and argued that a small amount
would do,
But failed to turn the Indian from his "heap much
water" view.
But the preacher finally consented to let his custom
slip;
He'd go down in the river and give the chief a dip.
No, No," the chief responded, "You try to change God's
plan
>From dip to little sprinkle---me guess you be wrong
man."
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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE
CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her
brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same
time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of
milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's
lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few
nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that
held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the
inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the
preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do
while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation
from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller
coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but
nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes
alone.
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Children's Prayers
1. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda
2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brotherbut what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce
3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet
4. God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me. Love Alison
5. Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you? Charlene
6. Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita
7. Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nancy
8. Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn
9. Dear God, my Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis
10. Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does? Nathan
11. Dear God, did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma
12. Dear God, in bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer
13. Dear God, how come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Billy
14. Dear God, please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter
15. Dear God, maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother. Larry
16. Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget. Mark
17. Dear God, my brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say? Marsha
18. Dear God, if you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. Barbara
19. Dear God, is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business? Donny
20. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God. Charles
21. Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon? Jeff
22. Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really !!!!Frank
23. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool. Thomas