Do You Have.....?
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the
manager and asks, "Do you have any small note-books?"
"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."
The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"
"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugs, "Sorry."
"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.
"Nope. Don't have that."
"Wow!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should
close the stupid store!"
The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Cake Disaster"
Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited some of her women friends over for the evening. She put out snacks and then came out with a cake that looked like a disaster.
She apologized and said she didn't know what happened to the cake because, she explained, "I even used the high altitude directions because I live upstairs."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Paid In Full"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and he handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:
For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 For going to the store for you: .50 Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: .25 Taking out the garbage: $1.00 For getting a good report card: $5.00 For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00 Total owed: $14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind.
She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge.
For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge.
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge.
For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge.
For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge.
Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge.
When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you". And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote:
"PAID IN FULL"
~ Author Unknown
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a
small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is that man... and why is he so upset?" a passenger
asks the ship's captain.
"I have no idea," says the captain; "but, every year when we
pass by here, he goes crazy."