Mess Cake
The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much
grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they
gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer
and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful
when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A
smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap
great benefits he told them.
After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood
back and watched the food being served.
A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything
he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the
desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of
chocolate cake.
The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.
The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."
The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you
like two pieces of cake?"
The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs,
"I told you my talk did them some good."
The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.
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Thanks to D & M Sayle: This is just too good not to
try -- I guarantee it! ts
Just wanted to let you know the New Homeland Security
Bill has passed. Things wil be different now and
Internet surfing as you know it will be tracked by
what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive method." The FBI
says you will not notice anything different.
For a demonstration, click on (or copy and paste) the
link below: Homeland Security
http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes
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Thanks to Marti -- Differences between Men and Women
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a
lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman
you must love her a lot and not try to understand her
at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes -
there's no use in two people remembering the same
thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Woman somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but
he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change and she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a
woman - before marriage and after marriage.
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Thanks to Marti -- Math
>From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than
100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are
giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations
where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical
certainty that: While Hard work and Knowledge will get
you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
Love of God that will put you over the top!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to a friend for an old favorite:
Obituary - Someone Else
Our church was saddened to learn this week of the
death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else.
Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be
difficult to fill. Else has been with us for many
years and for every one of those years, Someone did
far more than a normal person's share of the work.
Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a
meeting to attend, one name was on everyone's list,
"Let Someone Else do it." Whenever leadership was
mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for
inspiration as well as results; "Someone Else can work
with that group." It was common knowledge that Someone
Else was among the most liberal givers in our church.
Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just
assumed Someone Else would make up the difference.
Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes
appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody
expected too much of Someone Else. Now Someone Else is
gone! We wonder what we are going to do.
Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but
who is going to follow it? Who is going to do the
things Someone Else did? When you are asked to help
this year, remember - we can't depend on Someone Else
anymore. ~ Author Unknown
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"Swanky Dining"
The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d, "but there are no tables available."
"One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up. "I happen to be Gregory R. Carutheres, the sportsman."
"I'd like to accommodate you, Mr. Caruthers, but there just isn't a table available this evening."
"I bet if President Bush came in and asked for a table, there'd be one available."
"Yes-s-s," the other admitted, "I suppose there would be a table available for President Bush."
"Good! I'll take it. George isn't coming!"
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CleanQuote
"Make God laugh. Tell him your plans." - Ken Hall
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Stereotypes"
Following a heavy-metal rock concert, one punk rocker stopped at the front desk of the hotel and asked if she had any messages. The desk clerk handed her an unsigned note, and she asked for a description of the person who had left it.
"That's easy," replied the clerk. "He wore tight orange-leather pants, high-heeled black boots and a T-shirt with strategically cut holes. I remember a row of colored safety pins through the outside edge of one ear, and he wore purple eyeshadow. And his hair was orange and spiked."
"Oh, man!," she said, obviously disappointed, "that could be anybody!"
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*PONDERISMS*
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does a OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?