AccentsAbout a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up."They think we have an accent," she replied."But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?""Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out."His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
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Glenelg, Maryland, is such a small community, I was
surprised that they had a community paper. I asked one
old-timer about it.
He replied, "We all know what everybody else is doing, but
we like to read the paper anyway to see who's been caught at
it."
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Throughout our month long tour of Europe, my wife's only complaint was that
there was never enough time for shopping. Nearing the end of our trip, we
stopped for lunch at a pub in a small town near London. We wrote postcards
and my wife volunteered to take them to the nearest postbox while I made a
long-distance phone call. The British long distance system defeated me until
I was helped by an attractive girl who was standing at the bar.
Completing my call, I saw her with a suitcase standing at a bus stop. I
found out she was going close to our destination so I offered her a lift and
suggested she get in the back seat of the car.
There was still no sign of my wife, so I went to look for her. Ten minutes
later, I found her in a store. She was bulging with parcels. Giving me a big
grin, she said, "That'll teach you to leave me alone for a few minutes."
It was my turn to grin as I said, "Wait until you see what's in the back
seat of the car."
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While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting
about their dogs.
"What's your dog's name?" asked the first woman.
"Well, we used to call her Pork Chop," answered the second lady. "But after
the vet bills we've had for her, we now call her Filet Mignon."
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"My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The
first day I played with it, it flew away." - Rodney Dangerfield
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Fairway DriveMark drove his second shot from the fairway, not thinking he'd reach the green being a par 5 and out over 200 yards. The ball did land on the green & almost hit a fellow who was just finishing his putt. Mark went up to apologize and to explain, but the man was irate, yelling & screaming.The man charged at Mark swinging his putter.Mark who still had his 3 wood in hand, started swinging back at the man.When the ambulance and police arrived they took Mark into custody,and asked him how many times he hit the man. Mark replied, "Well I hit him eight times but you can put me down for five."