No Eared Interview
A guy walks in for his interview. The man who's interviewing him has no ears.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next
2nd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "Whatever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears. He'll kick you right out."
3rd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."
The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"
3rd guy "Because you don't have any ears to hang glasses on."
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Things Mom Taught Me
My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me ABOUT SEX... "How do you think you got here?"
My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it when we get home."
and my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.. then you'll see what it's like."
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Simple Prank
Simply get a new bar of soap and paint it with clear nail varnish.
Let it dry and place it out to be used.
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The Exam
A student reported for the University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.
The student takes a seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes out a coin, starts flipping it and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Using this inspired technique, within half an hour the student is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, the student is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches the student and asks what's going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour," the student replies, "But, I'm rechecking my answers!!"
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HOW TRUE!!?
John Jones started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA )
was perking, he shaved with his electric razor
(MADE IN
He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN
designer jeans
(MADE IN
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN
listening to the radio
(MADE IN
he got in his car
(MADE IN
filled it with GAS
(from
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his
Computer
(Made In
John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals
(MADE IN
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN
and turned on his
TV (MADE IN
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job
in
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Church Feud
There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of the Hicksville Branch.
It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on "Dedicating Yourselves to Service" and the Choir Director chose to sing: "I Shall Not Be moved".
Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor
put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on "Giving." Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All".
By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built.
A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his
sermon on "The Sin of Gossiping." Would you believe the Choir Director selected the song: "I Love To Tell The Story"?
There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed, he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in: "Why Not Tonight"?
Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor
resigned a week later, explaining that Jesus had led
him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist: "What A Friend We
Have In Jesus."