Ghost Car
A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming toward him and stop.
Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel! The car started slowly; the guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started to pray begging for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.
Gathering his strength, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was serious.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They looked around for a table when one said to the other, "Look John, that's the guy who got in the car when we were pushing it."
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Car Won't Start
A husband came home from work one evening. He walked in the house and
saw his wife sitting on the couch watching TV. She told him she was
having trouble with her car.
"My car won't start," she said. "But I know what the problem is."
"OK, What's the problem?" the husband asked.
"There's water in the carburetor," she replied.
"Come on, honey," the husband said. "You don't know how a car works,
much less what the parts look like, so how can you tell me there's
water in the carburetor?"
"There's definitely water in the carburetor," the wife insisted.
"OK," the husband said. "I'll go take a look. Where is it?"
The wife said, "In the lake."
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Weird News
Stinky paycheck empties bank
Police said after authorities were contacted by the Bank of America regarding a noxious smell Thursday, the New Milford bank was emptied to allow hazardous materials experts to search the premises, the
Children at the Beehive Children's Center behind the bank were kept inside as a precaution during the search.
Police said the unusual smell was eventually traced to a paycheck handled by a man with machine cutting oil on his hands.
The check had been deposited at the bank and the smell never dissipated, the Republican-American reported.
The emergency precautions were called off after the smelly check was found and the bank was allowed to reopen about an hour after it was closed.
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No. 10 chocolates a sweet gift indeed
Nurse Zoe Broadhead said Brown personally gave her a box of the after-dinner mints, known for the No. 10 drawing on each wrapper, as a housewarming gift when she moved into a new housing development in
"Mr. Brown didn't say anything about the chocolates. He just handed them to me as he came into the room," Broadhead said. "He asked me about my decorating plans and joked about the colors I was going to paint my walls. The chocolates were a nice present, though I haven't eaten any of them yet."
Designed by businessman John Harrap, 300 boxes of the specialty candies were delivered to the prime minister's office to be given to lucky civil servants, the Mail reported.
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Python did not get far in 2 days on loose
NEW FAIRFIELD, Conn. (UPI) -- A 6-foot python that escaped from a home in
The snake was found by 8-year-old Michael Ruffino, the Danbury News Times reported. Michael and his parents, John and Diane, live next door to the snake's owner, Kelly Wiedl, in New Fairfield.
When he and his parents arrived home from church Saturday evening, Michael wondered just what a neighborhood cat was looking at in the bushes. It turned out to be the python.
Another neighbor, Mark Lefgren, did the snake-catching, getting the python into a flannel pillowcase.
Diane Ruffino said the snake, possibly stunned by cool temperatures, was not acting aggressively, although it did hiss at the cat. The cat simply looked bewildered.
"We've been looking since it was lost. We were hoping it would be found," Diane Ruffino said.
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Man sued for hurling carrot at wife's eye
Pamela Vecsey of
Vecsey's attorney said her client's eye burst when it was hit with the carrot. Vecsey reportedly replaced the ruptured eyeball with a glass eye.
Police arrested Roderick Vecsey, 48, and he was charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct, the newspaper said. However, the charges against him have been dismissed and the Vecseys are now residing in the same home, despite the lawsuit, the Post reported.
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Misbehaving Guide Dog
A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.
The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog.
A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!".
The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth so that I can boot him in the butt".
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Just Moved In
The
“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”
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Giraffe In A Pub
A guy wanders into a pub one evening followed by a giraffe. They sit down, and over a number of hours get extremely drunk. As the bar is shutting, the man goes to leave.
The man behing the bar yells "Oi mate. You can't leave that lyin' there!"
The drunk turns around and says, "Oi mate, it isnt a lion. Its a giraffe!"
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Proving a point
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "What do you have to say about this experiment?"
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
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Funny Guys
Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back of a
nightclub after a late gig. They've heard one another's
material so much, they've reached the point where they don't
need to say the jokes anymore to amuse each other -- they
just need to refer to each joke by a number.
"Number 37!" cracks the first comic, and the others break
up.
"Number 53!" says the second guy, and they howl.
Finally, it's the third comic's turn. "44!" he quips. He
gets nothing. Crickets.
"What?" he asks. "Isn't 44 funny?"
"Sure, it's usually hilarious," they answer. "But the way
you tell it..."
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"A great many people think they are thinking when they are
merely rearranging their prejudices." -William James