What The Teacher Really Means
What the teacher says and (what the teacher really means).
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information
from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact
with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating
that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment
she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to
explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very
expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress
would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and
must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
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"Sibling Takings"
As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children talking about their siblings.
"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "My sister takes antibiotics!"
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CleanQuote
"The object of war is not to die for your country. It is to make the other (guy) die for his." - General George S. Patton
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"Thanksgiving"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a rich patron started to choke on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor. He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out.
As the man's breath & voice returned he said, "I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?"
The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what you were willing to pay while you were choking."
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First, a couple of lines to make this an official funny:
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
chicken?
Welcome to the church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
-=+=-
And now for the interesting part. On Wednesday, at two
minutes and three seconds after 1:00 am in the morning, the
time and date will be
01:02:03 04/05/06
Of course, this is for countries that put the month before
the day in their dates.
For those that format their dates as day/month/year, you
have to wait till May 4th.
This won't happen for another 100 years. Isn't that special!
:) Enjoy!
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Does That Hurt?
We live in a small town where we have a volunteer Ambulance Company.
We are blessed with many dedicated and fully qualified attendants,
who staff our ambulances and give freely of themselves. I was
chatting with one of the EMS responders one day and she could hardly
stifle a chuckle, so I asked her what was so funny and she told me
this story...
It seems that she had gone to an automobile accident and was checking
a patient who was lying on the road for injuries. As she knelt beside
him and probed him, she asked, "Does this hurt or does that hurt?"
After each probe, he replied, "No." When she had nearly completed her
examination, she shifted to a better spot from which to finish the
examination when after one of her probing questions, he exclaimed
very loudly, "That hurts!"
When she asked where, he looked up at her with a look of real pain on
his face and said, "Your kneeling on my fingers!"