Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of
global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of
New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New
Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien
Heavy snow had buried my van in our driveway. My husband,
Scott, dug around the wheels, rocked the van back and forth
and finally pushed me free. I was on the road when I heard
an odd noise. I got on my cell and called home. "Thank God
you answered," I said when Scott picked up. "There's this
alarming sound coming under the van. For a minute I thought
I was dragging you down the highway."
"And you didn't stop?"
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A Trip to the Park
A police car pulls up in front of Grandma Bessie's house, and Grandpa
Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that
he was lost in the park ... and couldn't find his way home.
"Oh Morris," said Grandma, "You've been going to that park for over
30 years! So how could you get lost?"
Leaning close to Grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris
whispered, "I wasn't lost ... I was just too tired to walk home."
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A Case of the Flu
Suffering from a bad case of the flu, a man phoned his
doctor for to get an appointment.
When he was told the scheduled date of the appointment, he
became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't
see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!"
Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, would you have
your wife call to cancel the appointment?"