You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous
girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get
her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi,
I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and
straighten your tie; you walk up to her and compliment her
hair. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she
drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm
very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to
you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
say, "I'm rich. Marry me." She gives you a nice hard slap on
your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Rewiring"
Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.
Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters.
Concerned for my husband's safety, I waited in a pew.
Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was praying.
Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam, are you up there? Did you make it okay?"
There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam's hearty voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
There are two secrets for success:1. Don't reveal all your secrets
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Tequila"
A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila."
"T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught.
"I just can't find it," she said. "What book are you looking for, honey?" the librarian asked.
Replied the little girl, "Tequila Mockingbird."
+++++++++++++++++++
The Problem With Fast Food
The big problem with "fast" food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just parks there--and lets the fat have time to get off and apply for citizenship.
+++++++++++++++++++
Custom Software
My old boss had spent some time writing software packages for this particular program. The software usually came as source code and was executed through an interpreter. He started a small business selling his custom software. One day at a scientific meeting, he noticed another company was showing the software with 'remarkably' similar functionality as his own. He wandered over to watch the demo and the longer he watched, the more familiar it looked. Eventually, when the sales gerbil had gathered a good crowd, he asked in a rather loud voice, "Are you using my copyrighted copy for this?" "Of course not!" the sales gerbil replied. "So, what happens if you press [key combination]?" "Nothing." "Well, humor me. Do it for me." "Ok, sir, but I can assure it you does . . ." and upon pressing the keys . . .the large screen popped up my boss' copyright notice. It was widely accepted as the biggest laugh of the show.
+++++++++++++++++++
Running Away
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!," readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home; he's going off to college."
+++++++++++++++++++
For The Kids...
What do you call a bull who tells jokes?Laugh-a-bull! What is the most faithful insect?A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them! What insect runs away from everything?A flee! What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
+++++++++++++++++++
”Walking”
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
+++++++++++++++++++
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm
beginning to believe it." - Clarence Darrow
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