Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike."
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his drink and says, "Bicycles."

A honeymoon couple

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned, asked "What if the place is still bugged?"
The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says, "AHA!"
Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window.
The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"
The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"
The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER you complained of the chandelier falling on them."

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM FOOTBALL

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM FOOTBALL
PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. Foreign Language: What language is spoken in France?
2. History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions
-OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. Religion: What religion is the Pope? (circle only
one)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?
6. Physics: What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. Religion: How many commandments were Moses given?
(approximately)
8. Geography: What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners 9. American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton.
10. European History: Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth.
Name the previous five.
11. Natural Science: Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky 12. Advanced Physics: Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no 13. Philosophy: What are coat hangers used for?
14. Political Science: The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Physics: Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Architecture: Where is the basement in a three-story building located?
17. Agricultural Science: Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin 18. Advanced math: If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. Communications: What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?
IMPORTANT! You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify.