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Blonde Joke...
Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.
"Hellllllp!" he cried when he spotted her down below.
"What are you doing up there?" she called back.
"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"
The blonde rolled her eyes. "Well, of course it didn't.
If you'd just asked one of the locals, anybody could've told you that *nothing* around here opens on a Sunday!"
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Thanks to kittyspan: A Keeper
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy.
All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste means affluence. Throwing away things meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of our bedroom, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away. never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."
So, while we have it . . . it's best we love it . . .
. . and care for it. and fix it when it's broken ...
and heal it when it's sick. This is true ... for marriage . . . . . and old cars ... and children with bad report cards . . . and dogs with bad hips and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep -- like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special ... and so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way.
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Another Blonde Joke --
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
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Bush, Kerry & Nader Go Fishing
Pres Bush, Senator Kerry and Ralph Nader went on a fishing trip to the South Seas Islands. While there, they got lost and were found by a tribe of head hunters, who had a guillotine.
The Chief demand they be executed. President Bush volunteered to go first. As the blade came down, it stopped midway! The Chief said "Our gods favor you.
You may go in peace."
Then Senator Kerry stood up. Once again, the guillotine stopped mid way. The Chief also let him go to please the gods.
About that time, Ralph Nader is laughing uncontrollably. The Chief demanded to know why he thought this was so funny.
Ralph Nader replied "If you guys would oil that thing it would work!"
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Rattlesnakes
My husband was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball
into the rough. As he headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief
warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained
that calls had been coming in all week asking for assistance with removing
the snakes.
"You've got to be kidding," was the astonished reply. "People actually call
the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"
"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is the snake on fire?'"
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