Weird News
'Ninja fighter' cop goes back to work
Officer Justin Varkony has gone back to his normal job after being on office duty while officials probed a comment on his MySpace social networking Internet page, WKMG-TV,
"Jason is a super-trained killer ninja fighter of the night who has not had a chance to use this special skill yet," the comment said.
Authorities said there was no validity to an accusation that Varkony went against police conduct rules.
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Police: Men shot each other with Tasers
Sgt. Pat Wyton said Casey Dane, a guard with a private firm called Colorado Security, and Harvey Epstein engaged in a heated argument behind Mamacitas restaurant, the Boulder Daily Camera reported.
Epstein, a bartender at Mamacitas, was upset that his car had been booted for parking illegally and retrieved a set of bolt cutters to attempt to free his vehicle, Wyton said. He said Dane ordered Epstein to put down the bolt cutters because he felt threatened and told him he would shoot him with his Taser weapon if he did not comply.
Wyton said the guard "decided to shoot the guy," not knowing that Epstein was wielding the same type of Taser.
"They shot each other," Wyton said. "It was just kind of a bone-head deal."
He said neither man required medical attention.
Epstein was arrested on suspicion of felony menacing and use of a stun gun, Wyton said. He was taken to the Boulder County Jail.
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Police: Suspects had incriminating photos
A police report of the incident said Joshua Howard, 27, and Mark Dell, 30, had spray paint cans, a digital camera and some marijuana in their car when officers approached them outside of a vacant building May 10, The (Jacksonville) Times-Union reported.
The officers said the men told them they had intended to "tag" the vacant building with graffiti after smoking some marijuana, but the police showed up before they could accomplish either objective.
The men were each given notices to appear in court on loitering and marijuana possession charges. However, before sending the suspects on their way, Officer T.M. Helms said in the report, he asked to look at the pictures on the digital camera. He said the men admitted to creating numerous graffiti displays photographed with the camera, including one that cost a business owner $3,500 to clean up.
Howard and Dell were hit with additional charges of criminal mischief for the graffiti.
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Teen allegedly set off alarm as prank
Metro police Capt. David Imhof said the 17-year-old suspect was grabbed, but not bitten, by a police dog after officers arrived at
Police allege the suspect intended to throw water balloons at arriving students and faculty from her perch on the roof of the school.
Imhof said the teen was taken to
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Nail Biting
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea
one day.
"I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes
me terribly nervous!" the first one said.
"Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman
commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick."
"What did you do?"
"I hid his teeth!"
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Nuns and Hot Dogs
Two nuns took their first trip outside the convent. They had never seen a baseball game, so they got tickets. Once inside, they sat in the bleachers, and hearing a vender selling hot dogs, one said, "We've never had hot dogs before," and they decided to order a couple.
The first nun unwrapped her hot dog, and proceeded to quickly wrap it up again, saying, "Oh, my!"
"What's wrong, sister?" asked her companion.
"Well," came the reply, "which part of the dog did you get?"
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VIPs
I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to
Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how much I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "hello Chris" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.
Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said,
"Hi Chris, what's happening?"
To which I replied, "Buzz off Gates, I'm in a meeting."
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Experience
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
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Cow Milking
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.
The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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"The most common error made in matters of appearance is the
belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the
true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places
on your body where this is a possibility, you're not attrac-
tive. You are leaking." -Fran Lebowitz
***
"If
to the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse,
and we will become a primitive society where we all run
around naked with spears and refuse to attend meetings.
Wouldn't that be GREAT?" --Dave Barry
***
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and
it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner
with." -Anonymous woman
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The day I started my construction job, I was in the office
filling out an employee form when I came to the section that
asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____.
I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was
also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any
of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
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At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer
why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We were havin' a good time drinking,
when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, do
ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said,
'Sure, I'm game.'"
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I was testing the children
in my Sunday school class
to see if they understood the concept
of getting to heaven.
I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car,
had a big garage sale
and gave all my money
to the church,
Would that get me into Heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day,
mowed the yard,
and kept everything neat and tidy,
would that get me into Heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
By now I was starting to smile.
Hey, this was fun!
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals
and gave candy
to all the children,
and loved my husband,
would that get me into Heaven?'
I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
I was just bursting with pride for them.
'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
A five-year-old boy shouted out,
'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'