A pastor had had a bad week. On Sunday he was very frustrated and he began
his sermon, "Everyone in this parish is going to hell if they don't change
their ways."
One man in the back began to laugh.
So the pastor said it again louder.
The man continued to laugh.
The pastor went back to him and asked him why he was laughing.
He answered, "Because I don't belong to this parish!
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My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his
church and after two weeks took them out. I asked him why and he confessed
that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read,
"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."
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"Whoever said, 'Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting,' obviously never
licked one." - The Covert Comic
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"Golf Lesson"
This fellow's wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they went. The first hole was a par 3, 179 yards, and very pretty. The husband stepped up first and said, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." He hit a beautiful shot and landed on the green with about 30 feet to the cup.
The wife stepped up, drilled her ball, causing it to hook, ricochet off a tree, bounce off a rock and roll up onto the green - dropping into the cup.
The husband looked at this, and said, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home."