Wednesday, February 15, 2006

hUMOR For Feb. 15th

What NOT To Give Her For Valentines Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide
the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.

3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

4. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.

5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

6. A gift certificate.

7. Cash.

8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on
the way over, even if you didn't.

9. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"If You Love Someone"
Pessimist:
If you love someone, Set her free ... if she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't comes back soon forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone, Set her free ... In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone, Set her free ... Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

Bill Gates:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Statisticians:
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.
Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone, Set her free ... SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:
If you love someone don't set her free.

HR specialist:
If you love someone set her free by offering her VRS and other benefits then outsource her.

MBA:
If you love someone set her free instantaneously and look for others simultaneously.

Psychologist:
If you love someone set her free. If she comes back her super ego is dominant. If she doesn't come back her id is supreme. If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

ERP functional expert:
If you love someone set her free. If she comes back, map her into your system. If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis.

Finance expert:
If you love someone set her free. If she comes back its time to look at fresh loans. If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Expert:
If you love someone set her free. If she comes back that's brand loyalty.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"The highest type of heroism is not the courage and nerve of the warrior facing the foe, but the courage to face the daily issues of life, opposing wrong and upholding right."
- Roswell C. Long
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today's Illustration - "Leadership "
On my four-year-old daughter's first trip to Disneyland, she couldn't wait to get on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and through walls that fell away at the last second, she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her.
When the ride was over, she said to me a little shakily, "Next time, you drive. I didn't know where I was going."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke
up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a
pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it
means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and
gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it-only to find a book entitled "The
meaning of dreams."

-=+=-

Note to the guys:

I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's
day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the
laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the
vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's
these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage
such as mine.