"Cops and Robbers"
Esther Cohen had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead."She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
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CleanQuote
"Discipline is that great quality few people use that enables them to be constructively busy all the time. Even in discouragement and defeat, discipline will rescue you and usher you to a new place to keep constructively busy while you forget about doubt, worry and self-pity. Oh, that more in this day would realize the absolute necessity of discipline and the degree of growth and happiness to be attained from it."
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"Clean Communication"
In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue."
Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"
The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."
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One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in
South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that
the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I
gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh,
whatever is easiest for you."
With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my
plate, and handed it back to me.
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On a business trip, my father approached a security checkpoint at the
airport. The National Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full
uniform, was in line in front of him.
As with everybody else, the soldier was ordered to go through the metal
detector. So, as he did so, he handed his M-16 rifle to security personnel
along with other items such as handcuffs and a flashlight.
Still, the alarm sounded when he walked through. Further inspection revealed
a little Swiss army knife inside one of his pockets.
"Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited," security said to the soldier.
Then, taking the knife away, the airport worker handed him back the M-16.
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We were driving our three-year-old son to his Grandma's home when we stopped
at a store. Once inside, our son decided he wanted one of those large
gumballs.
I told him he couldn't have one, and he began to pout. I leaned over to him
and said, "This is a fact of life: You don't always get everything you
want."
"I know," he replied. "Just don't tell Gramma."
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"After years of uneventfully ordering a side of bacon with breakfast, you
can image my surprise at the side of beef I ordered last night for
dinner." - Scott E. Frank
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Got lots of time on your hands? No? It only takes a second to tell a friend
about Absolute Robeo and The Lame Humor List. Why not take a second and tell
someone now? Why not? Well? Why? Stop arguing and just do it.
Robeo
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Pizza Coupon
Dispatching her ten-year-old son to pick up a pizza, my sister handed
him money and a two-dollar coupon. Later he came home with the pizza,
and the coupon. When asked to explain, he replied, "Mom, I had enough
money. I didn't need the coupon."