"What Happened"
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes."
"What did it say?"
"Don't stand up in the car!"
++++++++++++++++++
The adult Sunday school class was discussing formal and informal prayer,
when one man remarked, "I do some of my best praying while I'm driving."
In a quiet voice, the man's wife agreed, "I, too, do my best praying while
you're driving."
++++++++++++++++++
A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time
Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.
"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.
The boy thought for a moment and answered, "If you're having a wedding, make
sure Jesus is there."
++++++++++++++++++
We have employed a new voice mail system and would like the
staff to have knowledge of how it operates. When you are
dialing school, please call the number provided.
You will then be answered by a cheery voice from us that
will give you a menu of options to meet your needs.
These are:
To lie about why your child is absent Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work Press
2
To complain about what we do Press 3
To fuss at a staff members Press 4
To ask why you didn't get needed information that was in
your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you Press 5
If you want us to raise your child Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone
Press 7
If you really have an emergency, dial 9-1-1 because all
these other lines will be busy.
++++++++++++++++++
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver
a question and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,
nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and
stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab,
and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but
you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver
and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder
would frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."