No E-Mail Address
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a
wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a
large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at
minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail
address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will
automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when
to start and where to report on your first day."
Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither
a computer nor an e-mail address.
To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a
company like ours that means that you virtually do not
exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be
employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and
having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market
and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red
tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and
displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the
tomatoes and makes 100% profit.
Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends
up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several
bags of groceries for his family.
During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business
the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early
every day and working into the night. He multiplies his
profits quickly.
Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport
several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is
up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.
At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons
have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the
tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his
daughter is taking night courses at the community college so
she can keep books for him.
By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used
trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all
selling tomatoes.
He continues to work hard.
Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet
of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises,
plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato
company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless
people to work. His daughter reports that the business
grossed over one million dollars. Planning for the future,
he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an
insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new
circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail
address in order to send the final documents electronically.
When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with
a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is
stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No
Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had
all of that five years ago!"
"Ha" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I
would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an
hour."
Which brings us to the moral of the story:
Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer
to being a janitor than a millionaire. Sadly, I received it
also.
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Can You Give Me A Push?A man is in bed asleep with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk."Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??""No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down on the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk," says the husband."It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help. The right thing to do would be to help him."So the husband gets out of bed again, dresses, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" He hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."
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Locked in the trunk
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Monday, December 7, 1992Joe Albert Ruiz, 19, was arrested in Santa Maria in September. Police said he had broken into a car in the middle of the night and was in the trunk, disconnecting the rear speakers, when the trunk closed and locked him in.Neighbors reported strange noises, and a police officer called to the scene heard Ruiz banging on the trunk and yelling, "Let me out!"
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Educational priority
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.January 12, 1993Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."
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Steal little things
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.February 17, 1993In July, a Jackson Center, Pa., woman reported that someone used a ladder to climb into the second story of her home and that all that was missing was $10 worth of diapers, despite the presence of jewelry and antiques in the same room.
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Signs and notices
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS " At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law." Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly" At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!" Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."