Monday, May 23, 2011

Today's hUMOR

CleanPun - Towing Sign

Seen on a sign at a Towing Company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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One Liner
"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick."
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CleanQuote
"I prefer to sit on my own gate and whistle my own tune."
~ Charles Spurgeon
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"Kids on the Bible"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The statements below are said to have been written by actual students, that they are genuine and NOT retouched or corrected:
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount cyanide to get the ten amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- The epistles were wives of the apostles.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- One of the opposums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
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Today's hUMOR

"It Pays to Read Labels"
I finally figured out why I am so "full-figured"!
As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?
Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap! It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".