Monday, December 12, 2005

hUMOR For Dec. 12th

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to My Friend JP: T'was the night before-----

'Twas the night Jesus came and all through the house,
not a person was praying, not one in the house...
The Bible was left on the shelf without care,
for no one thought Jesus would ever come there...
The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
not once ever kneeling or bowing their head...
And Mom in the rocking chair with babe on her lap,
was watching the Late Show as I took a nap...
When out of the east there rose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter...
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and lifted the sash...
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but Angels proclaiming that Jesus was here...
The light of His face made me cover my head,
it was Jesus returning just like He'd said...
And though I possess worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself...
In the Book of Life which he held in his hand,
was written the name of every saved man...
He spoke not a word as he searched for my name,
when He said "it's not here," my head hung in shame...

The people whose names had been written with love,
He gathered to take to his Father above...
With those who were ready He rose without sound,
while all of the others were left standing around...
I fell to my knees but it was too late,
I'd waited too long and thus sealed my fate...
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight,
Oh, if only I'd known that this was the night...
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear
the coming of Jesus is now drawing near...
There's only one life and when comes the last call,
We'll find out that the Bible was true after all...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to My Friend JP: T'was the night before-----

'Twas the night Jesus came and all through the house,
not a person was praying, not one in the house...
The Bible was left on the shelf without care,
for no one thought Jesus would ever come there...
The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
not once ever kneeling or bowing their head...
And Mom in the rocking chair with babe on her lap,
was watching the Late Show as I took a nap...
When out of the east there rose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter...
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and lifted the sash...
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but Angels proclaiming that Jesus was here...
The light of His face made me cover my head,
it was Jesus returning just like He'd said...
And though I possess worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself...
In the Book of Life which he held in his hand,
was written the name of every saved man...
He spoke not a word as he searched for my name,
when He said "it's not here," my head hung in shame...

The people whose names had been written with love,
He gathered to take to his Father above...
With those who were ready He rose without sound,
while all of the others were left standing around...
I fell to my knees but it was too late,
I'd waited too long and thus sealed my fate...
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight,
Oh, if only I'd known that this was the night...
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear
the coming of Jesus is now drawing near...
There's only one life and when comes the last call,
We'll find out that the Bible was true after all...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for
a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit
of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found
his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into
the air, catches it above his head without even
looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. He yelled
with surprising forcefulness "Who stole my horse?"

No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if
my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished,
I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want
to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another
beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He
saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say
partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to my friend JP: The 'Joys' of Retirement

We worked real hard for many years
So that we could retire.
We dreamed of sleeping late
And sitting by the fire.

We dreamed of long vacations,
Enjoying stage and song.
But, let me set you straight, my friends
That concept's simply wrong.

I shed my stuffy suits and ties
And the shoes that cramped my toes.
But other plans have gone astray
For this is how it goes........

My wife thought too of golden years
With grand plans of her own.
She wanted more time with the kids
But now they're gone and grown.

We downsized house and yard
So we wouldn't have that chore.
We got rid of the alarm clock
But I still wake up at four.

I get my eyes checked Monday,
She gets hers checked next day.
I go for a colon check Wednesday,
And pass her going the other way.

I have a dental appointment Thursday,
She goes to check her heart.
Friday we get prescriptions filled
And browse awhile in Wal-Mart.

Saturdays, we just stay home
And try to get paperwork right.
We can't take any overnight trips
'Cause we can't see to drive at night.

Confusion keeps us out of Sunday church
And we really do hate that....
There's nothing wrong with the restrooms,
We just can't remember where they're at.

We don't need to plan next week,
Just make sure we can drive.
And not forget where the clinics are....
We need them to survive.

So, don't build your future hopes too high,
While strolling through the clover....
That's just a typical 'retirement' week,
And.... on Monday, we start all over!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From a Friend: BUMPER STICKERS TO RELATE TO

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue
You

Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn
Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To
Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The
Next Exit

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk
Somewhere