Strange Facts
"A species of earthworm in
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To Be Six Again
You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
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Unique Breakfast
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.
"Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"
"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
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Missed Connection
My friend's flight from
missed her connection home to
passengers in line at the ticket
counter, each hoping to book seats on the next flight to that destination.
All the travelers waited patiently except for one man, who treated
the agent very rudely. "I had an aisle seat reserved, and I better
get an aisle seat when we get on
another plane," he demanded. A few minutes later everyone was
relieved when they learned that there would be room for all.
"And, sir," the ticket agent said, turning to the obnoxious man, "I
am happy to tell you that you will have an aisle seat." Still
muttering, he picked up his carry-on and left for the gate. "And I'm
also happy to announce," the agent continued, "that the rest of you
will be seated in first class."
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"There are three things you never want to see on a Christmas
present: 'One Size Fits All,' 'Fun for all ages' and 'removes
unwanted hair.'" --Jim Mullen, Entertainment Weekly
***
They raised the price of tickets to Disney World to $59.75.
They've also put up a new sign that says 'Your wallet must
be this big to get in.'" --Jay Leno
***
Sally told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might
try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I
needed was blinker fluid."
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For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard
operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my
supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval
of the vice president.
A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and
told me the VP had refused to approve the raise.
His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he
saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or
talking on the phone.
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During a tour at the
City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in
a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how
she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would
die if over watered.
"I subscribe to the
"Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my
plant some water."
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British Speed Trap
Two British traffic patrol officers from
involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding
motorists on the A-1
used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a
vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was
surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their
radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not
able to reset it.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that
the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter
jet, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the
Border district, approaching from the
Back at police headquarters, the chief constable fired off a
stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. Back came the
reply in true laconic RAF style:
"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the
file on this incident. You may be interested to know that
the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the
presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile
radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back
to it.
"Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the
fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your
equipment.
"Fortunately, the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile
systems alert status, and was able to override the automated
defense system before the missile was launched and your
hostile radar installation was destroyed. Good Day..."
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Soap and Water
We were asked to dinner by a new friend. When we sat down at the table, we noticed that the dishes were dirty.
"Were these dishes washed?", I asked the hostess as I rubbed my fingers over the surface.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them".
I felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. Dinner was delicious, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"
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Drop Dead Poker
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. After the game Mr. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. Rippington says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."
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Americans Are Wacky
- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.
- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
- We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.
- We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
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Murphy on Work
- There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
- The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
- People are always available for work in the past tense.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.