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Doctor Mistake
During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was
asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?"
"Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"
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Stuff You Don't Want To Hear From Tech Support*
"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"
"...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
"Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
"Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
"We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
"In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
"Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
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This middle-aged man was going through his mid-life crisis
so he went out and bought him a new bright red Porsche. He decided to take his new Porsche on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new Porsche would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph, and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself,
"This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over. The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off
with a patrolman and when I saw you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven."
St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard."
St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ...for five days!
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The Old Days
Were you a kid in the Fifties or earlier? Everybody
makes fun of our childhood! Comedians joke. Grandkids
snicker. Twenty year olds shudder and say "Eeeew!" But
was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for
yourself:
In 1953, the US population was less than 150
million... yet you knew more people then, and knew
them better... and that was good.
The average annual salary was under $3,000... yet our
parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and
still live a decent life... and that was good.
A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents... but it was safe
for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy
one... and that was good.
Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gun
Smoke and Lassie... So nobody ever heard of ratings
or filters... and that was good.
We didn't have air-conditioning... so the windows
stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when
you fell off your bike... and that was good.
Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or
Mr. Adkins... but not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan... and that
was good.
The only hazardous material you knew about was a patch
of grass burrs around the light pole at the corner...
and that was good.
You loved to climb into a fresh bed... because sheets
were dried on the clothesline... and that was good.
People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives... so "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles... and that was good.
Parents were respected and their rules were the
law.... Children did not talk back... and that was
good.
TV was in black-and-white... But all outdoors was in
glorious color... and that was certainly good.
Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor...
and the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV
knobs... and that was very good.
Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard... and
chickens behind the garage... and that was definitely
good.
And just when you were about to do something really
bad... chances were you'd run into your Dad's high
school coach... or the nosy old lady from up the
street... or your little sister's piano teacher... or
somebody from church.... all of whom knew your
parents' phone number... And YOUR first name... And
even THAT was good!
REMEMBER...
Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy
Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott &
Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr,
Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger,
The Shadow Knows Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger
and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on
Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides,
playing cowboy, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can
and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the
local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling
and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder
with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah,
I remember that!
And was it really that long ago?