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Captain Comeback
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it.
"Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?"
"No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
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Thanks to L.M. for these:The sin ye do two by two ye must pay for one by one.Conversation between Adam and Eve must have beendifficult at times because they had no one to talkabout.If life knocks you flat on your back, just tellyourself, "Things are looking up!"The government solution to a problem is usually worstthan the problem.Lots of people live in beautiful apartmentsoverlooking the rent.According to U.S.A. Financial analyst Rick Edleman;an American parent serving as a cook, financialmanager, psychologist and bus driver should receive asalary of $508,700.00 a year.When some say that they want to serve God, they meanin an advisory capacity.The early Christians, [by teaching God's word], turnedthe world upside down. Now they will not all get onthe same side.The years seem to go by faster when you get olderprobably because you are going downhill.Most human beings have an almost endless capacity fortaking things for granted.Know how to listen, and you will profit even fromthose who talk badly.Twixt the optimist and pessimist, the difference isdroll; The optimist sees the doughnut, but thepessimist sees the hole.Aging is relative---in the time I went from 13 to 17,my mother aged twenty years!You can tell you're getting older, when you have lessdrive and more park.To always be ready, you must be able to cut a knot,for not everything can be untied.Speak when you're angry and you'll make the bestspeech that you'll ever regret.Pray for a good harvest------ but continue to hoe.You can't get much done by starting tomorrow.Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.A well-chosen word can speak volumes.There are no two people alike and they are both gladof it.The price of authority is responsibility.No one is useless if he lightens the burden of someoneelse.The only thing worse than repeating gossip is startingit.Better to stumble with your toe than with your tongue.Remember to forgive, then remember to forget.The manner in which it is given is worth more than thegift.It isn't necessary to put out the other fellow's lightto make yours shine more brightly.If we're unconcerned what the future holds for us thenwe have wasted our lives.Be like the postage stamp----stick to your job untilyou get there.If you don't wish to be shown up, don't show off.Never lose a chance of saying a kind word.Dedication and determination yield success andsatisfaction. Reaching high keeps a man on his toes.Experience is what causes people to make new mistakesinstead old ones.Better to trust a man who is frequently in error thanthe one who is never in doubt.When you fail, call it learning and move on.Gossip travels freely, but good news has to be helpedalong.If you don't feel close to God, guess who moved.A person who always says what they think is courageous---and friendless.Do the best that you can in this life----this is not arehearsal.In the old days no one locked their house, the mostthey feared might be a mouse.When there was no Interstate---we just leftearly---and we weren't late.The choice we make today affects tomorrow.If you must make mistakes, it will be more to yourcredit if you make a new one each time.Progress has little to do with speed and much to dowith direction.Others will follow your footsteps more easily thanthey will your advice.Why can't all life's problems happen when we'reteenagers, and know it all?Love gives us strength---friends----and life.Do not chose your friends by outward show, for thefeather floats where the pearl lies low.A smile is a language even a baby understands.
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Thanks to L.M. for these:Nothing is as irritating as the fellow that chatspleasantly while he's overcharging you.It is often easier to hide something than to hide thefact that you are hiding something.The best way to make a small fortune is to start witha big one.Good instincts usually tell you what to do long beforeyour head has figured it out.The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to besure that one of them is a match.A house may be too small for one family, but it cannever be big enough for two.You've heard of the three ages of man: Youth, Middleage, and "you are looking wonderful".What is more enchanting than the voices of youngpeople when you can't hear what they say?Seldom is anyone so spiritual as to strip himselfentirely of self-love.It is difficult to see why lace should be so costly;it is mostly holes.RESOLVED for year 2006: Remember, DIET has a big fatD because I ET too much.Better a thousand enemies outside the house than oneinside.Could've been ark trouble: Have you ever stopped toconsider what would have happened if Noah had allowedsame-sex couples to represent their species when hewas marching the animals aboard the ark two by two?There's nothing that takes a fellow down a notch ortwo faster than a bad haircut.There's another advantage to being poor----A doctorwill cure you faster.Worry is like riding a roller coaster---It scares youand you always end up right where you started.True friends are those who, when you've made a fool ofyourself, don't think you've done a permanent job.Don't live in the past.....you've already been there.You can't sell from an empty wagon.Although the tongue weighs very little, few people areable to hold it.When friendship costs something, then you can countyour friends.I never can do what I want to do for having to do whatI have to do.Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.In a human being, the wishbone is located just underthe hat.Shadows fall behind you when you face the sun.A candle loses nothing when it lights another.A humble man never blows his 'knows' in public.Children can usually repeat word for word those thingsyou shouldn't have said.Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discussevents, small minds discuss people.The only person more obnoxious than a wise guy, is awise guy who turns out to be right.Inspiration + Aspiration + Perspiration = SUCCESSThe average child learns to walk at 17 months. Theaverage mother learns soon after.Take nothing on its looks; take everything onevidence.Living a Christian Life is not the most popular thingthat you may do, but it is the most important thingthat you will ever do!It is always easy to add a word, but sometimes hard towithdraw one.It's all right to have a train of thought; if you havea terminal.A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow aseasily as he can invent one.The best way to appreciate life is to imagine yourselfwithout it.If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.You'll never strain your eyes by looking at the brightside of things.Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better thanis absolutely necessary.Even good steel loses its temper when it getsoverheated.If you live in harmony with yourself, you are apt tolive in harmony with others.Living on a budget is the same as living beyond yourmeans, except you have a record of it.The wise judge by what they see, the foolish by whatthey hear.When we are defeated, it should stimulate us to tryharder the next time.What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back witha hinge in it.ghqq