Monday, January 30, 2006

hUMOR For Jan. 30th

Thanks to Marti -- Pots

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung
on the ends of a pole which she carried across her
neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot
was perfect and always delivered a full portion of
water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the
house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the
woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own
imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half
of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter
failure,it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side
causes water to leak out all the way back to your
house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are
flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other
pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, so
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and
every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these
beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you
being just the way you are, there would not be this
beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own
unique flaw.

But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make
our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are
and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day
and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the
path.

Of all the blessings the Lord sends us.... Friendship
must be His favorite.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Shot...

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy,
about six years old. Something of his had found its
way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.

Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions:
a baseball and a broken window sporting a
baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got
in here?" I asked the boy.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window,
and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must
have thrown it right through that hole!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Sunday Complaints"
After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."
The father commented, "The sermon was too long."
Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From WS: Yogi-isms (Quotes of Yogi Berra)

"If I didn't wake up I'd still be sleeping."

"I usually take a two hour nap from 1 to 4."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"It gets late early out here."

"90% of the game is half mental."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they
won't go to
yours."

"Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have
made it before he died."

"I'm as red as a sheet."

"I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of
answering that question."

"Pair up in threes."

"Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until
it was broken."

"Don't get me right, I'm just asking!"

"Never answer an anonymous letter."

"You can observe a lot by watching."

"It's not too far, it just seems like it is."

"You've got to be careful if you don't know where
you're going
'cause you might not get there."

"We have a good time together, even when we're not
together."

"Little League baseball is a good thing 'cause it
keeps the parents off the streets and it keeps the
kids out of the house!"

"The future ain't what it use to be."

"It ain't over till it's over."

"I really didn't say everything I said."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to JLH: Left vs Right

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber
replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
I'm doing community service this week"

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next
morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank
you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes
to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry,
I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community
service this week."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning
when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he
goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
community service this week."

The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next
morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank
you card and a dozen different books such as "How to
Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More
Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he
goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
community service this week."

The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The
next morning when the barber goes to open up, there
are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free
haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between the left and the right.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to JLH: The Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a
snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of
their cars are totally demolished but amazingly
neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
"So....you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but
we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you
completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another
miracle. My car is completely demolished but this
bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to
drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his
head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the
cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the
police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are evil. Don't mess with
them!