Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blonde kept their ClearwaterBeach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?'
Barbie slipped over the side and, finding the water only knee deep, said, "Nope, not yet, Bubbles." So they row a little farther....
Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now?
Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, '
No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'
'
So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?'
'Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel.'
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Weird News
10 million bees take over home
Theresa Manning said she phoned a bee removal expert after she saw the insects flying into her attic and heard scratching coming from behind her walls, WSB-TV,
Bee wrangler Jason Rehr said he expected to find multiple hives in the attic, but instead found the bees had turned the structure into a giant hive with honeycombs on the ceiling and walls.
"This is the mamma-jamma here, this is the biggest one I've ever seen," Rehr said.
He said he plans to move the bees several miles away from the house to hives that have been prepared.
///
Police: Man took naked stroll
John Messerly, 38, allegedly walked naked for three miles of the West Shore Bypass after he climbed onto the roof of a van he was driving and was thrown when the vehicle crashed into a guide rail, the Reading Eagle reported.
Police said Messerly, who received emergency surgery for a severe cut to his abdomen, was found to have cocaine in his system.
He has been charged with indecent exposure, risking a catastrophe, open lewdness, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, driving while intoxicated, public drunkenness and various traffic violations.
Messerly was being held without bail at the Berks County Prison on parole violation allegations in a separate case.
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Man allegedly posed as sheriff's deputy
The Rockingham County Sheriff's Office alleged Kevin Michael Taylor, 31, asked for a law enforcement discount from a clerk at an AutoZone store, the News and Record newspaper in Greensboro, N.C., reported.
However, the clerk was an off-duty sheriff's deputy and knew the man was lying, the sheriff's office said.
Taylor, who was charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer, was released on $5,000 bond. He is scheduled to appear in court May 15.
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Motorcyclist exceeds 120 mph
LEADBURN, Scotland (UPI) -- Scottish police said a motorcyclist pulled over during a recent crackdown on road offenders was traveling faster than 120 mph.
Officers said the motorcycle's speed was one of the fastest police have recorded in the Leadburn area in recent years, The Scotsman reported.
Lothian and Borders Police said more than 260 motorists were cited for violations during the April 21-28 crackdown. They said traveling without a seat belt was the most common violation, with 176 cited for the violation. An additional 87 people were cited for speeding.
"While it is disappointing that some motorists still behave in an irresponsible way, the majority of people are well aware of the law, and act accordingly," said Superintendent Alan Duncan, of Lothian and Borders Police's road policing unit. "The force is determined to keep reducing the number of casualties on our roads, and initiatives like these demonstrate our commitment making our roads safer for everyone."
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Busy Mom
My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on
the stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting
this reminder on the kitchen door: "STOVE?"
My sister, back from college, noticed Mother's sign. Beneath
it she taped her reply: "No -- Door! Trust me. I went to
college."
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"Tom Cruise was on 'Oprah.' They did one of those segments
where Oprah goes to Tom's home. Talk about awkward. When
Tom answered the door, Oprah said, 'Is your daddy home?'"
-Dave Letterman
***
"Iron Man opened this weekend, starring Robert Downey Jr. I
don't know who Iron Man fights...wrinkled linen I suppose."
-Craig Ferguson
***
"Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of President Bush's
speech in front of the 'Mission Accomplished' banner. To
celebrate, President Bush gave a speech in front of a banner
that said, 'Economic Recession Over.'" -Conan O'Brien
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My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over
into our family life. One morning as our eight-year-old
Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room
to be sure she had tidied it up.
"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.
No Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."
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Why can't a woman ask for help from her brother?
He can't be a brother and assist her, too.
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Food Chain
After discussing the "food chain" with my fifth grade class, I told
them their weekend homework was to write a sentence showing they
understood the meaning of the term.
On Monday morning, one student handed this in: "Burger King is my
favorite food chain."
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German at McDonalds
A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in
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Bad Hamlet
A third rate actor is botching Hamlet mercilessly. By the time he gets to the famous "To be or not to Be" soliloquy, the crowd is abusive. They're screaming at him, throwing chairs, fruit, whatever.
So at "slings and arrows" he stops, faces the crowd and yells. "What are you blaming me for? I didn't write this junk!"
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Hugs
So this computer scientist is like a real uptight guy, uncomfortable in his own skin.
He has a hard time relating to people, you know the type, right?
So he's in a bookstore, sees a book called "How to Hug", so he thinks, "Yes, this could really help me."
So he buys it, takes it home, starts to read it, and darned if isn't volume eight of an encyclopedia!
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Young Mothers
An eight year girl is trying to check out a book entitled "Advice for Young Mothers" from the local library.
Librarian: Now why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?
Little girl: I collect moths.