Mildred, the small town church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when
she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she
saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there
would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked
away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny, he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's
house......................... and left it there all night..
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Southern Obituary
Southern Obituary
Only In The South!
A w oman from the deepest, most southern part of Kentucky goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died.'"
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says...
"In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1938 Pickup for sale.'"
Only In The South!
A w oman from the deepest, most southern part of Kentucky goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died.'"
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says...
"In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1938 Pickup for sale.'"
Scientific Testing...
Scientific Testing...
One day a scientist wanted to prove that, contrary to popular belief, blondes were actually smart. To prove his theory he gathered a huge convention of blondes.
He chose one lady out of the crowd and began to ask her questions.
"What is 12x11?"
"120?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
The scientist asked again, "What is 6x4?"
"25?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
The scientist asked a final time, "What is 2+2?"
The blonde ventured "4?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
One day a scientist wanted to prove that, contrary to popular belief, blondes were actually smart. To prove his theory he gathered a huge convention of blondes.
He chose one lady out of the crowd and began to ask her questions.
"What is 12x11?"
"120?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
The scientist asked again, "What is 6x4?"
"25?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
The scientist asked a final time, "What is 2+2?"
The blonde ventured "4?"
The crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"
Political Humor
Political Humor
You are receiving this email today because:
(1) You are a Texan oil baron.
(2) You are a Texan baron.
(3) You are a Texan.
(4) You are a would-be scientist.
(5) If none of the above apply, you just got (un)lucky, because I'm happy to have my computer back from the shop.
Another multiple choice:
If a Texan oil baron drilled through the center of the Earth and out the other side, then jumped into the hole, what would happen to him?
a] He would travel through, gathering speed; upon reaching the other side he'd launch hundreds of feet into the air.
b] He would get enough of a boost from his Earth "fly-through" to launch into the outer solar system.
c] He would speed up, slow down, then stop just as he reached Earth's center.
d] He would speed up as he approached Earth's center, and slow down going away from it, forever oscillating between the two ends of the hole.
Answer: The correct answer is the one by the fourth letter of the alphabet.
Source: Popular Science, Copyright C February 2004, http://popsci.com
Moral of the story:
Isn't John F. Kerry the one who oscillates a lot?
Of course, the Texan oil baron strikes oil before he gets to the center of the Earth, so we're talking hypothetical situation here.
And even if he drilled such a hole, he would never jump into it if he couldn't see the bottom.
Texan oil barons always get to the bottom of things.
So some Yale U. yahoo must have made this story up.
Or an Aggie.
You are receiving this email today because:
(1) You are a Texan oil baron.
(2) You are a Texan baron.
(3) You are a Texan.
(4) You are a would-be scientist.
(5) If none of the above apply, you just got (un)lucky, because I'm happy to have my computer back from the shop.
Another multiple choice:
If a Texan oil baron drilled through the center of the Earth and out the other side, then jumped into the hole, what would happen to him?
a] He would travel through, gathering speed; upon reaching the other side he'd launch hundreds of feet into the air.
b] He would get enough of a boost from his Earth "fly-through" to launch into the outer solar system.
c] He would speed up, slow down, then stop just as he reached Earth's center.
d] He would speed up as he approached Earth's center, and slow down going away from it, forever oscillating between the two ends of the hole.
Answer: The correct answer is the one by the fourth letter of the alphabet.
Source: Popular Science, Copyright C February 2004, http://popsci.com
Moral of the story:
Isn't John F. Kerry the one who oscillates a lot?
Of course, the Texan oil baron strikes oil before he gets to the center of the Earth, so we're talking hypothetical situation here.
And even if he drilled such a hole, he would never jump into it if he couldn't see the bottom.
Texan oil barons always get to the bottom of things.
So some Yale U. yahoo must have made this story up.
Or an Aggie.
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