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Old world charm (Room and a bath)
Tropical (Rainy)
Majestic setting (A long way from town, at end of dirt road)
Options galore (Nothing is included in the itinerary)
Secluded hideaway (Directions to the location are unclear)
Some budget rooms (Sorry, already occupied)
Explore on your own (At your own expense)
Knowledgeable trip hosts (They've flown in an airplane
before)
No extra fees (No extras)
Nominal fee (Outrageous charge)
Standard (Sub-standard)
Deluxe (Barely Standard)
Superior accommodations (One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap)
All the amenities (Two chocolates, two shower caps)
Plush (Both top and bottom sheets)
Gentle breezes (In hurricane alley)
Light and airy (No air conditioning)
Picturesque (Theme park nearby)
24-hour bar (Ice cubes at additional cost - when available)
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A Good Question...
Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the
knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a
woman wears leather clothing?
BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK
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Thanks to M/M J & G B:
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
Deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because
he is sure that he has a better education.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun
at the deputies expense...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign ."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete
stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a
complete stop, that's the law. License and
registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference
between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license
and registration and you give me the ticket, if not
you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
starts beating the ever-loving daylights out of the
lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow
down?"
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Great Cheese
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!"
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Fatherly Approval
A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out. When the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.
Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home.
"You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."
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Diet
There's a new pasta diet -
Just walk pasta bakery without stopping, walk pasta candy store without stopping, walk pasta ice cream store without stopping.