I Hear Ringing.....From a 12/05/04 Reuters story on Yahoo! News:"Now Japanese mobile operators (companies) are taking phone sound systems to the next level with stereo-quality songs that can be fully downloaded and edited, as well as surround-sound systems that trick users into hearing a bell ringing behind them or a ball whizzing by."What a genius idea: you hear your cell phone ringing, but can't tell where thesound is coming from.
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Talented Rat
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
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Ice Cream Humor
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams? A. In floats Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur! Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?A: Ice Cream Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?A: Pi a'la mode.
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Microsoft Air
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?" To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."
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For The Kids...
What's green a slimy and found at the North Pole? A lost frog! What's green and tough?A toad with a machine gun! Why didn't the female frog lay eggs?Because her husband spawned her affections! What do you call a 100 year old frog?An old croak!
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Danny was playing with his little brother Vernie when the little boy asked
whether he could fly like Superman. "Sure you can, Vernie," Danny said,
"Just flap your arms really hard."
So Vernie climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped,
then smashed into the ground just a few inches below. Horrified, their
mother came screaming into the room and said, "What happened?"
Danny said, "I was just teaching Vernie not to believe everything he's
told."
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At graduation day to mark the end of a particularly trying year the
principal said, "A parent said to me recently that half the teachers do all
the work and the other half nothing at all. I'd like to assure all the
parents here this afternoon that at this school the opposite is the case."
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"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever
dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." - Jim Carrey