CleanPun - "Contest"
There once was a sweepstakes that offered a shopping center as first prize.
The Supreme Court, however, ruled the contest illegal, since everyone knows you can't win a mall.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
hUMOR For Aug 27th
Weird News
Lawmen say they saw mythical Texas animal
CUERO, Texas (UPI) -- Two deputies in rural south Texas say they may have sighted a chupacabra, a hairless, short-legged creature that has long been a part of regional folklore. Cpl. Brandon Riedel told KSAT in San Antonio he was in the midst of a training session Friday with a new recruit to the DeWitt County Sheriff's Department when they saw the animal running down a dirt road. He grabbed his video camera. "You need to record something like this because it's not every day you find something that looks like this running around out in the middle of the county," he said. Riedel is not completely convinced the animal is a chupacabra. It has a long snout that looks coyote-like. Last year, a rancher found a carcass he said appeared to be a chupacabra. Some residents say there is no point in being too skeptical. "It's like every good urban legend," Erik McCowan said. "Maybe it's better to just think it is the chupacabra and just leave it at that."
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Couple attacked by nesting sea birds
KIRKWALL, Scotland (UPI) -- A London couple who got lost on the island of Hoy in the Orkney Islands north of Scotland had to be rescued by the coast guard from angry sea birds. The couple inadvertently wandered into a nesting colony of great skuas Monday, The Scotsman reports. The coast guard sent a helicopter to get them away from the birds. Great skuas, known as bonxies in the Orkneys, are large gull-like birds with no fear of humans. They are known for dive-bombing puffins to steal their food and for their aggressive behavior towards intruders in nesting colonies. Chris Booth, an ornithologist working in the Orkneys, wears a helmet to protect himself. "They are just defending their nests. If you walk into their territory they will attack you but they don't attack for any other reason," Booth said. "These people were wandering around a bit aimlessly and went into a skua territory and the birds were telling them to get out of the way." Other experts recommend carrying a stick and lifting it high if birds attack because they go for the highest point.
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Wristwatch sellers predict industry's end
KENSINGTON, Pa. (UPI) -- The California-based Jewelry Consumer Opinion Council said watch companies have reported declining sales of between 8 percent and 15 percent since 2006. Watch companies and retailers said the business seems to be on its way out as more and more consumers gets their time updates from cell phones and computer desktops, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reported Tuesday. "The business seems to be dying out," said Derek Molnor, owner of Derek Molnor Vintage Watches in New Kensington, Pa. "Twenty years ago, there were a lot more watches around and a lot more interest in it. People are moving on." While sales of higher-end wristwatches, including Rolexes, seem to have remained consistant, falling sales have led companies including Timex and Fossil to begin phasing out their watch production in favor of sunglasses and other accessories, the Tribune-Review reported. "You can't make enough on watches to stay alive," Buschek said. "Yes, you're going to see the disappearance of wristwatches."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Blind Golfers
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Haiku Computer Messages
The Tao that is seenIs not the true Tao-untilYou bring fresh toner. Stay the patient course.Of little worth is your ire.The network is down. A crash reducesYour expensive computerTo a simple stone. Three things are certain:Death, taxes and lost data.Guess which has occurred. You step in the stream,But the water has moved on.This page is not here. Out of memory.We wish to hold the whole sky,But we never will. Having been erased,The document you're seekingMust now be retyped. Serious error.All shortcuts have disappeared.Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Habit
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. Recently, after I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I responded in a serious tone, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me and said, "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
Lawmen say they saw mythical Texas animal
CUERO, Texas (UPI) -- Two deputies in rural south Texas say they may have sighted a chupacabra, a hairless, short-legged creature that has long been a part of regional folklore. Cpl. Brandon Riedel told KSAT in San Antonio he was in the midst of a training session Friday with a new recruit to the DeWitt County Sheriff's Department when they saw the animal running down a dirt road. He grabbed his video camera. "You need to record something like this because it's not every day you find something that looks like this running around out in the middle of the county," he said. Riedel is not completely convinced the animal is a chupacabra. It has a long snout that looks coyote-like. Last year, a rancher found a carcass he said appeared to be a chupacabra. Some residents say there is no point in being too skeptical. "It's like every good urban legend," Erik McCowan said. "Maybe it's better to just think it is the chupacabra and just leave it at that."
///
Couple attacked by nesting sea birds
KIRKWALL, Scotland (UPI) -- A London couple who got lost on the island of Hoy in the Orkney Islands north of Scotland had to be rescued by the coast guard from angry sea birds. The couple inadvertently wandered into a nesting colony of great skuas Monday, The Scotsman reports. The coast guard sent a helicopter to get them away from the birds. Great skuas, known as bonxies in the Orkneys, are large gull-like birds with no fear of humans. They are known for dive-bombing puffins to steal their food and for their aggressive behavior towards intruders in nesting colonies. Chris Booth, an ornithologist working in the Orkneys, wears a helmet to protect himself. "They are just defending their nests. If you walk into their territory they will attack you but they don't attack for any other reason," Booth said. "These people were wandering around a bit aimlessly and went into a skua territory and the birds were telling them to get out of the way." Other experts recommend carrying a stick and lifting it high if birds attack because they go for the highest point.
///
Wristwatch sellers predict industry's end
KENSINGTON, Pa. (UPI) -- The California-based Jewelry Consumer Opinion Council said watch companies have reported declining sales of between 8 percent and 15 percent since 2006. Watch companies and retailers said the business seems to be on its way out as more and more consumers gets their time updates from cell phones and computer desktops, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reported Tuesday. "The business seems to be dying out," said Derek Molnor, owner of Derek Molnor Vintage Watches in New Kensington, Pa. "Twenty years ago, there were a lot more watches around and a lot more interest in it. People are moving on." While sales of higher-end wristwatches, including Rolexes, seem to have remained consistant, falling sales have led companies including Timex and Fossil to begin phasing out their watch production in favor of sunglasses and other accessories, the Tribune-Review reported. "You can't make enough on watches to stay alive," Buschek said. "Yes, you're going to see the disappearance of wristwatches."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Blind Golfers
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Haiku Computer Messages
The Tao that is seenIs not the true Tao-untilYou bring fresh toner. Stay the patient course.Of little worth is your ire.The network is down. A crash reducesYour expensive computerTo a simple stone. Three things are certain:Death, taxes and lost data.Guess which has occurred. You step in the stream,But the water has moved on.This page is not here. Out of memory.We wish to hold the whole sky,But we never will. Having been erased,The document you're seekingMust now be retyped. Serious error.All shortcuts have disappeared.Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Habit
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. Recently, after I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I responded in a serious tone, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me and said, "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
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