I always thought that the Air Traffic Controllers had a wicked sense of humour...
I sure hope I didn't send this out b4 cuz I've had it quite a while.
Dallas ATC:
"Tower to Saudi Air 911-You are cleared to land east-bound on runway 9R."
Saudi Air:
"Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R--Allah be Praised !!"
Dallas ATC:
"Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."
Iran Air:
"Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R.--Allah is Great !!"
Pause: Static.............
Saudi Air: "DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!"
Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"
Saudi Air:
"YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS!!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE" !!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!
Dallas ATC:
"Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us - ya hear?
+++++++++++++++++++
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped
promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You
were going mighty fast there, Father."
The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin. We wanted to see
how it runs."
The policeman shakes his head. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket.
Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?"
The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. The Savior is with us."
The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not
allowed to ride on a motorcycle."
+++++++++++++++++++
A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very
close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up, addressed the ball,
and swung his driver with great force. The ball, instead of sailing down the
fairway, merely rolled off the tee and settled slowly some twelve feet away.
The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, but said nothing. His
opponent regarded him for a moment, and then remarked, "Father, that is the
most profane silence I have ever witnessed."
+++++++++++++++++++
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is
not.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Towel Misunderstanding"
One day a child at my four-year-old's Sunday school class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"
A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Birth Registration"
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son. The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."