"Morning Sickness"
Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
"What's wrong Molly?" she asked.
Molly told her that she had morning sickness.
Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you were pregnant!"
"I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied.
"I'm just sick of mornings."
()()())()()()()()()()
Official ID Card
My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange
tour with the Royal Navy in England. Everyone who drove
through the base's gates was required to hold an official ID
card up to the windshield for inspection by the guards.
As a friendly competition, my husband's squadron started
flashing different forms of ID, such as a driver's license,
just to see how far they could go to fool the busy guards.
The winner? The fellow who breezed past waving a piece of
toast.
()()())()()()()()()()My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange
tour with the Royal Navy in England. Everyone who drove
through the base's gates was required to hold an official ID
card up to the windshield for inspection by the guards.
As a friendly competition, my husband's squadron started
flashing different forms of ID, such as a driver's license,
just to see how far they could go to fool the busy guards.
The winner? The fellow who breezed past waving a piece of
toast.
"What's Good Tonight"
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?"
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
()()())()()()()()()()Optometrist's Sign
See on a sign at an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."
()()())()()()()()()()
One Liner
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." ~ Mark Twain
()()())()()()()()()()CleanQuote
"My main problem with reading books is getting past the idea that the author knows more about the subject than I do." ~ James L. Smith (Grandpa)
()()())()()()()()()() "Stubborn Problem"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me
because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.
because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"