"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
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"Picking a Winner"
The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.
"Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"
The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."
The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"
"Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]CleanPun
Two people got into an argument.
One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!"
The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]One Liner
"You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway."
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"When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are."
~Cary Grant
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"Parental Nagging"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Constant nagging didn't seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children.
After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: "Please leave the bathroom as you found it."
I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, "Brian, how did you find the bathroom?"
After a brief pause, he replied, "Straight down the hall, first door on the right."