Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were
just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down
the fairway, and began to sob uncontrollably.
The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's
wrong?"
Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed, and dried his eyes
some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "I'm
sorry, I always get emotional at this hole -- it holds very
difficult memories for me."
One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have
gotten you so upset?"
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low
voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years
ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack -- right at
this very hole!"
"Oh no!" the other golfers said. "That must have been
horrible!"
"Horrible? You think it's horrible?" Bob cried in disbelief.
"It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day,
all the way back to the clubhouse it was... hit the ball,
drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Yesterdays Edition of Tomorrows Edition, Today."
Work with a bunch of nuts? Wish you did? Answer no to both questions? Got
milk? Whoa! Let me back up a second and start over. Work with a bunch of
nuts? Wish you did? Answer no to both questions? Got milk? Well then you
need to check out Absolute Robeo's "Borlan" to take a glimpse at some nuts
Robeo used to work with. It can only be seen at Absolute Robeo,
http://AbsoluteRobeo.com?Borlan today, tomorrow or the next day or the day
after that and the day after that...
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A redneck girl went on a trip to Italy with her father. When they returned
from their tour, she informed a friend that he liked all the Italian cities,
but most of all he loved Venice.
"Venice, huh?" said the friend. "I can understand why your father would like
Venice with its gondolas and all."
"Oh, no," the young lady interrupted, "it wasn't that. He liked it best
because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window."
/\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/\\/\\//\\//\\//\\/\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//
A young soldier was stationed at Myrtle Beach, S.C. He spent his spare time
fishing in the backwaters of the Intercostals Waterway. Soon he became a
guide of sorts for some senior noncommissioned officers. Once, a chief
master sergeant hooked a 20-pond striped bass. After he reeled the fish onto
the boat, he slipped the hook out of its mouth and released it back into the
water.
He noticed a puzzled look on the face of the young soldier. He explained,
"Rank does have its privileges. I can't keep a fish that has more stripes
than I do."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
There's a sign above the scale in my doctor's office that says "Pretend it's
your IQ."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to J and G B: The Donkey and The Raffle
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a
donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son,
but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money
back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it
already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell
anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two
dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of
Enron...
*******************************************************
Thanks to LaMi -- The Preacher and The Cab Driver at
Heaven�s Gate
A preacher and a New York City taxi driver arrived at
heaven's gates at the same time. Although the taxi
driver looked a bit rough, he was given the royal
treatment and rewarded bountifully upon his arrival.
The preacher thought, "Man! If that taxi driver is
being rewarded so well, I can't imagine what I'll
receive!" However, it turned out that the preacher's
treatment and rewards were meager by comparison. The
preacher said to the gatekeeper, "I was a minister for
45 years. Why is the taxi driver being treated so
much better?"
The gatekeeper replied, "For 45 years you preached,
and people were put to sleep. For 45 years he drove a
taxi, and people got on their knees to pray!"
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH: Gasoline
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was
out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when
she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas
station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy
some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can
he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until
it was returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she
decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She
looked for something in her car that she could fill
with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the
patient.
Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the
station, filled it with gas, and carried the full
bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men
watched from across the street. One of them turned to
the other and said, "If it starts,I'm turning
Catholic."
*******************************************************
Thanks to C-Towns -- Problems solved
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border,
Take the dirt and raise the levies in New Orleans, and
Put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve
today?
*******************************************************
From Kathie -- GoodBye Mother
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick
up a few things when he noticed an old lady following
him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued
on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got
in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you
has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you
look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man. "Is there
anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say,
'Goodbye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much
better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was
leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he
stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his
total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few
things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said
the clerk.