Two goobers

Two goobers who wanted to invest $100 they won in the lottery. They went to a watermelon farmer they knew and bought 100 watermelons at $1.00 each. After finding a good place to park and sell the watermelons from their truck bed, they started selling them at $1.00 each. When they sold that load they went back to the farmer for more.
After selling several truck loads they counted their money and realized they still had only $100. After counting it several more times to be sure, Charlie said to Bobbie Jo, "This is getting us nowhere! We're just not making any more money here. We sold all our watermelons but we still only have $100. Something's wrong but I surely can't figure it out. "
Finally Bobbie Jo said to Charlie, "You goober, I was gonna let you figure it out, but you're just too dumb since you didn't even finish the third grade. It's as plain as the nose on your ugly face that the only way we can make money is to get a bigger truck!"

A blonde from a small town

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.
"Hellllllp!" he cried when he spotted her down below.
"What are you doing up there?" she called back.
"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"
The blonde rolled her eyes. "Well, of course it didn't.
If you'd just asked one of the locals, anybody could've told you that *nothing* around here opens on a Sunday!"

Cafeteria Food

Cafeteria Food

Once when the power went off at the elementary school, the cook couldn't
serve a hot meal in the cafeteria. She had to feed the children something,
so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter and
jelly sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last -- a
home cooked meal!"

FELLOW CHRISTIAN

FELLOW CHRISTIAN: A preacher went hunting out in the woods, heard a noise behind him, turned, and there was a big bear reared up on his hind legs. The preacher cocked his gun, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The gun only clicked, and the bear started toward him. He dropped to his knees and prayed, "Lord, save me from this bear."
He looked up and the bear was still coming. He prayed again, "Lord, let this be a Christian bear."
He looked up again, and the bear was hunkered down praying, "Lord, bless this food for the needs of our body."

CHAIN PREACHERS

CHAIN PREACHERS: An elder received a letter that read, "If you are tired of your preacher, send a copy of this letter to seven other churches that are probably tired of their preachers. Then ship your preacher to the church at the top of the list. Add the name of your congregation to the bottom. In thirty days you will receive twenty-one hundred and seventy-eight preachers, and out of this many you ought to be able to choose one to suit you. Warning!
One church broke the chain and got their old preacher back..."

I WANT TO RESIGN

I WANT TO RESIGN

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy [Unable to display because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.
I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause.............."Tag! You're it."