hUMOR For Oct. 29th

"Gated Community"
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
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CleanQuote
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
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"Appraisals"
Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin. "Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.
"What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?" I asked.
"If you're buying it from me, it's a violin. If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."
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Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.

Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.

Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.

Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.

and, most importantly,

Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

Received from Daniel Galvin.
+++++++++++++++++++
Kiss Goodbye

"Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father's den, "I'd like
to kiss you good-bye before I go to school!"

"You're too late, honey. Your mother just did that two minutes ago,
and I don't have any cash left on me."

hUMOR For Oct. 29th

"Gated Community"
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanQuote
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Appraisals"
Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin. "Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.
"What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?" I asked.
"If you're buying it from me, it's a violin. If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."
+++++++++++++++++++
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.

Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.

Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.

Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.

and, most importantly,

Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

Received from Daniel Galvin.
+++++++++++++++++++
Kiss Goodbye

"Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father's den, "I'd like
to kiss you good-bye before I go to school!"

"You're too late, honey. Your mother just did that two minutes ago,
and I don't have any cash left on me."