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True Calls to the IRS
Caller: I want to know if I should file married or single.IRS: Are you married?Caller: Well, sort of ....IRS: What?Caller: Well, we did get married, but we're not counting on it.
Caller: I got a letter from you guys and I want to know what you want.IRS: What does it say?Caller: Just a minute, I'll open it.
Caller: I'm a bookkeeper and I need to know if ten $100 bills make a thousand dollars or only ten hundred dollars.IRS: Both. It's the same amount.Caller: So why do I get a different answer every time I move the decimal point?
Caller: What does the law say about people who are renting to relatives and taking a loss on the property?IRS: You are required to charge them fair market value.Caller: It's very fair. If we rented to someone else we could get a lot more.
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CleanQuote.
"The telegraph is like a very long cat; you pull the tail in New York and it meows in Los Angeles. Radio operates the same way, but without a cat." - Albert Einstein
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Old Photos
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them
made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a
younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said
with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!"
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Here is today's Illustration. - Sacrifice
A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor said.
"Well, Reverend", the farmer replied,"I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay."
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A friend of mine was having a bit of marital-tension in his household and was trying to figure-out just what to do about it.
In the course of our conversation, I happened to mention to
him that: "You know, quite often God speaks to us through
our wives."
My friend looked at me kind-a funny and said, "Wow! I didn't know God used that kind of language!"
Received from Brian Moccia.
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Veterinary Clinic
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies
to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.
As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one
another in their box, I realized it would be difficult
to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on
the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each
dog's head when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto
talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the
last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and
whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."