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Play On WordsThose who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.A hangover is the wrath of grapes.Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is twotired.Definition of a will: A dead give away.In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your countvotes.She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg butbroke it off.A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fullyrecovered.You get stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.Every calendar's days are numbered.A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and ittaint mine.A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is asmall medium at large.Those who get too big for their britches will beexposed in the end.Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen amall.Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-dough basis.Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.Acupuncture is a jab well done.Humility... is a perpetual quietness of heart.
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A Must readOne evening an old man told his grandson about abattle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son,the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all. One isEvil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret,greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,inferiority, lies, false, pride, superiority, and ego.The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope,serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and thenasked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
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Awareness TestTwo paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window."Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
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Sibling Takes
As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children talking about their siblings.
"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one.
"My sister takes gymnastics," said another.
Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "My sister takes antibiotics!"
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"The darkest hour only has 60 minutes."
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Here is today's Illustration. - Racism
On a BA flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African Lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, " You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin:
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class."
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues...
"It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
Having said that, the stewardess turned to the black man sitting next to the lady, and said:
"So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the black man was escorted up to the front of the plane.