This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know...
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework .. you're a pansy.
If you work too hard... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her... that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet... it's male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't... you're insensitive.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear... you're a pervert.
If you don't... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape... you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape... you're vain.
If you don't... you're a slob.
If she has a headache... she's tired.
If you have a headache... you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often... you're oversexed.
If you don't... there must be someone else.
Bottom Line... Men die first because they want to.
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Unclear on the Concept
Voice mail was the man's sworn enemy. He never really understood how
it worked. Finally he broke down and called the office operator to
get instructions.
"I can send you an instruction sheet," the operator offered.
"Great, fax it right over."
"Sure thing," the operator replied, "but fax it right back. It's my only copy."
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"4 Year Old Rider"
Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free.
As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he is. "I am 4 years old."
"And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver.
“When I get off the bus," answers Johnny.
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After Old Man McGraw chewed us out, we went over to his house and we drew all kinds of pictures on his driveway, sidewalk, and foundation with sidewalk chalk.
That'll teach him to mess with the Mural Majority!
~John Gardner
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One Liner
"I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on, but I can't afford one so ... I'm wearing my garage door opener."
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Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
"Oh, No!" the father gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.
"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!".
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room."