What Did you Expect?
It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch
office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything
gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return.
And waits. And waits.
"Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the
network back to life," says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate
administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the
day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no
control over.
The Administrator's response? "Next time, put it on the schedule
before you have an unexpected outage!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Clergy Golf"
Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"
"Because," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand." - Augustine
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Vision"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven
by a moron.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one
yet.
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
Faster than a speeding ticket!
Adults are just kids with money.
T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a
bus hit mine.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Was today really necessary?
In theory, everything works.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Your lucky color has faded.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
hUMOR For May 3rd
What Did you Expect?
It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch
office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything
gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return.
And waits. And waits.
"Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the
network back to life," says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate
administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the
day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no
control over.
The Administrator's response? "Next time, put it on the schedule
before you have an unexpected outage!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Clergy Golf"
Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"
"Because," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand." - Augustine
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Vision"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven
by a moron.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one
yet.
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
Faster than a speeding ticket!
Adults are just kids with money.
T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a
bus hit mine.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Was today really necessary?
In theory, everything works.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Your lucky color has faded.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.
It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch
office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything
gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return.
And waits. And waits.
"Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the
network back to life," says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate
administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the
day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no
control over.
The Administrator's response? "Next time, put it on the schedule
before you have an unexpected outage!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Clergy Golf"
Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"
"Because," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand." - Augustine
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Vision"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven
by a moron.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one
yet.
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
Faster than a speeding ticket!
Adults are just kids with money.
T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a
bus hit mine.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Was today really necessary?
In theory, everything works.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Your lucky color has faded.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)