Today's hUMOR

"Ring Appraisal"

An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a diamond ring that had been in the family for several generations. The stone had never been appraised, so the father asked a gemologist friend if
she would take a look at it. She agreed, but said that instead of a fee she'd accept lunch at one of Houston's finer restaurants.

A few days later, as he and the gem expert sat sipping a glass of Chablis, he showed her the ring. She took out her jeweler's magnifier, examined the diamond carefully and handed it back.

"Wow," said a tourist who had been watching from the next table.

"These Texas women are tough!"

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Electrician's Truck

Seen on an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

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One Liner

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." ~Groucho Marx

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CleanQuote

"A member of my staff asked me when I was going to retire.

I said, 'When I can no longer hear the sound of laughter.'

He said, 'That never stopped you before.'"
~Bob Hope

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"Preparing for Parenthood"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Brian and Cathleen took their newborn, Emily, to meet her cousins, Erin and Savannah, in Oklahoma. The cousins were delighted with her and watched everything the adults did with Emily including changing her diapers. The girls were sitting right beside Brian the first time he changed one of Emily's messy diapers.

When he opened her diaper he said, "Ew! She pooped!"

Erin looked at him and asked, "Didn't they tell you she would do that?"