Weird News
'Obama Sweet Potato' sells on eBay
The curious spud sold for $8.49 after only three bids.
Seller Wade Jones, whose eBay handle is howardrobardhughes, described the item as a "Sweet Potato that looks like future Prez Barack Obama."
He said in the item's description that he spotted the
"I was wearing my Obama 'Yes We Can' bracelet … when someone stopped me in front of the sweet potato bin, and asked me where I got my bracelet ... I then looked down, and saw 'The Barack Obama Sweet Potato' staring right back at me," the seller wrote.
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Man impaled by branch to recover
Doctors at
Trauma surgeon Dr. Jon Krook said the branch, which was almost 3 inches in diameter, missed Skattum's major artery and did not break any bones.
"If it hit that artery, he could have bled to death,'' Krook said.
Skattum said the branch impaled his leg while he was riding in a golf cart at dusk with his brother.
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Woman warned for warning customers
CHEDDAR, England (UPI) -- A Cheddar,
Alma Floyd, 60, said she was told by police that she was interfering with officers "in their line of duty" when she warned customers that Police Community Support Officers were spotted ticketing cars in the area, The Daily Mail reported Wednesday.
She said they threatened to arrest her if she continues to give the warnings.
Floyd said she told customers when she saw officers in the area because she feared enforcement of parking laws could hurt business at her dairy shop.
"Ever since the new parking rules were introduced we have seen a slump in trade," she said. "The crackdown on parking on that pavement means passing motorists have nowhere to park, and they don't come in. So I've been looking out for them whenever they come near -- it's the only thing I can do."
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Suspect's getaway foiled
ALBUQUERQUE (UPI) -- Authorities in
Investigators said the suspect, Joseph Ballejos, 35, fled the sergeant's home in an SUV after the officer arrived home at 3 p.m. Tuesday, KRQE-TV,
"(The sergeant) turned around and tried to stop the car: the car didn't stop, fled from the scene," sheriff's Sgt. Van Eldredge said. "The sergeant was concerned someone else might still back in his house, so he returned to his house."
Panhandler Jeffery McKnight said he called 911 after he saw the suspect first drive the wrong way on an Interstate 25 off ramp and then drive off the road. Deputies arrived in the area and arrested the suspect.
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The Whole Truth
Little white lies to a robot...
Henry was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick, no matter what. The house was filled with electric potato peelers, self-rocking chairs, and other odd stuff. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to stop being such a sucker for every new gadget that came along.
One day, Henry came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot – “but not just ANY robot,” Henry said. “This one is a LIE DETECTOR!”
At around 5:30 PM, their 11-year-old son, Little Johnny, came home – two hours later than he should have.
“Where have you been, young man?” Henry demanded. “Why are you so late getting home from school?”
“Charlie, Bobby and I went to the library to work on an extra-credit project for history class,” said Little Johnny.
The robot strode around the table and slapped Little Johnny, knocking him completely out of his chair.
A startled Little Johnny climbed back onto his chair.
“Son,” said Henry, “This robot is a sophisticated lie detector, and it knows when you’re telling the truth. Let’s try again. Where did you really go after school?”
“We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie,” said Little Johnny.
The robot stood there.
“What movie did you watch?” asked Marsha.
“The Ten Commandments,” answered Little Johnny.
The robot charged around the table and smacked Little Johnny to the floor once more.
With his lip quivering, Little Johnny got up, sat down and said, “I’m sorry I lied. We really watched a movie called Sex Kittens of New Orleans.”
“I'm ashamed of you, son,” said Henry. “When I was your age, I never, ever lied to my parents about anything. I always told them the truth.”
At that, the robot wheeled across the room to Henry and delivered a whack that nearly laid him flat.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't blame Little Johnny for lying. You did it too, and after all, he is your son!”
The robot immediately scooted over to Marsha and knocked her cold.
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Mennonite Washrooms
Doing their part to clean up the Church...
Why do they put condoms in Mennonite washrooms?
To prevent the spread of Abes.
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School Excuses
The following notes from parents excusing their children
from attending school have been around a while but if you
haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he
had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30
because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I
had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his
face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical
education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very
loose vowels."
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Recent Quips from Late Night
"Hey, congratulations to David Cook, the American Idol. ... I believe he received an unbelievable 50 million votes ... which I think is a new record. ... In fact, he got so many votes, Hillary offered him the VP spot." --Jay Leno
"McCain, of course, has the nomination sewn up. He's just got to go to the convention. So he's now auditioning candidates for vice president. And they're visiting at his home in
"Big political news this weekend. John McCain invited
"Yesterday, a group of oil company executives testified before Congress. Oil company executives talking to politicians. I believe they set a record for the most number of lies ever told in one room." --Jay Leno
"Dick Cheney gave a commencement address at the Coast Guard Academy. He really enjoyed speaking to the graduates, but his favorite part of the ceremony was water-boarding the valedictorian." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama was endorsed by 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd. 90 years old, yeah. Byrd said, 'Obama will make a great president, and if he doesn't, I won't be around anyway.'" --Conan O'Brien
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Crazy People
The Queen visits a mental hospital and goes to the first ward. The first patient she sees is sitting up and with his left hand he seems to be grabbing something from the air. She asks, "What are you doing?"
The patient replies, "I'm taking the stars from the sky!"
She then proceeds over to the second patient and he seems to be inserting something into the air. She asks, "What are you doing love?"
The second patient replies, "I'm putting the stars back in the sky!"
Finally she reaches the third patient and he's sitting up pretending he's a rally driver and is making high speed noises. She asks him, "What the heck are you up to?"
The patient replies, "I'm trying to get away from these two nutters, they're absolutely mental!"
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Real Users
- Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
- Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
- Real users never use the Help key.
- Real users never stop asking new options.
- Real users never know what to do with new options.
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Love Me Above No Other
Girlfriend: "And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."
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"There’s a fair going on in
would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I
need some
***
"Historic day at the White House. President Bush met the
Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush said,
'Who's the bald chick in the dress?'" -Conan O'Brien
***
"The National Hobo Convention opened yesterday in Britt,
and a knife fight over a bottle of hooch." -Jay Leno