Sunday, October 22, 2006

hUMOR For Oct. 22nd

"Talking Surprise"
On a hot summer day, a farmer and his dog were riding in a wagon pulled by two horses. After riding several miles, one of the horses said, "Whew, sure is hot today."
The farmer, obviously surprised, said aloud, "Wow, I didn't know that horse could talk!"
The dog replied, "Neither did I."
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CleanQuote
Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your behind thrown in jail if you really tried them.
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"Discipleship"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
As a new Ensign, I was assigned duty at the Naval Observatory in Washington, DC, and carpooled to work with a veteran Marine sergeant. One afternoon, I showed him a pair of brown shoes I had purchased to go with my khaki uniform. He examined the leather carefully. "Let me take these home," he said, "and I'll show you a real Marine Corps shine."
The next day I wore my old shoes, expecting to switch them with the ones the sergeant was polishing. From a grocery bag, Sarge pulled out the right shoe, shining like glass. "This is the way a Marine shines a shoe," he said. "Now all you have to do is polish the left one to look like it."
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A backwoodsman dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just
opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the
teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what
kind of learnin' are you teachin'?"

"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy.
"Reading, writing, arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and trigonometry."

"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted backwoodsman. "That's just what my boy
needs. He's the worst shot in the family."
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In our research and development organization, the boss was a stickler for
arriving on time, and everyone was required to sign in. Promptly at 8:30
a.m., a red line was drawn across the sheet and latecomers had to sign
beneath it. Dennis, a brilliant mathematician, often had to sign beneath the
red line.

One rainy morning while Dennis was signing in, a gruff voice behind him
said, "Late again, eh?"

Dennis turned to find the boss standing in a dripping raincoat. "Yes, sir,"
Dennis replied. "So am I."
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186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the law.