Weird News
Ex allegedly plotted against hubby's nose
NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York man claims a former friend attempted to obtain hired muscle to break her ex-husband's nose. Hugo Gomez says Brazilian dancer Mariliza Cotoulas asked him to hire two men to break the nose of her ex, computer salesman Vassili Cotoulas, 46, "because his appearance mattered so much to him," the New York Post reported. "She asked me how much it would take to beat ... him," Gomez said. Vassili Cotoulas told the newspaper "she wanted to break my nose ... because of my plastic surgery." However, he claims she did not want her hired thugs to stop with his nose. "She wanted to have me put in a coma, or a wheelchair," he said. Mariliza Cotoulas was arrested on suspicion of criminal solicitation and other charges.
///
Luck lands student in dad's dorm room
EAST LANSING, Mich. (UPI) -- The father of a Michigan State University student said fate landed the 18-year-old in the same dorm room his dad stayed in 30 years ago. Rich Robell, 50, said he was shocked when his son, Mike, received his room assignment at Emmons Hall, B310, the same room he moved into as a freshman in 1978, The Detroit News reported. Tim Knight, housing operations complex manager for Brody and West Circle complexes at the school, said many students request the dorm rooms that their parents once occupied, but it is highly unusual for a student to wind up in the same room as a parent strictly by luck of the draw. "After 37 years as a full-time employee ... this is the first time that I'm aware of that someone was simply offered the space. It really is an incredible coincidence," Knight said.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Marital Accounting
A Milwaukee man had been keeping a detailed set of personal record books since he got married in 1949.
One day his wife, transferring his records to a new desk, started thumbing through some of the old accounts.
In the 1949 book, under Non-Recurring Expenses, she found this item: "One Honeymoon."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Subject: The Gut Issue
The first time I read this quote, I thought it was dangerously true. Then I really started pondering it and thought how would this apply to our own lives/careers? Let's look at it again to see how absurd it is.
* You couldn't get a job at McDonalds and become district manager after 143 days of experience. * You couldn't become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon. * You couldn't get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience. * You couldn't join the military and become a colonel after a 143 days of experience. * You couldn't get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience. BUT.... * 'From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. * That 's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.
* After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln,FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days?
We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that's all it is - a start.
AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public seems to feel comfortable with this and are campaigning for him.
We wouldn't accept this in our own line of work, yet some are OK with this for the President of the United States of America?
Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Baby SisterUsed to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make theirdays interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes,andwhen I came out, there was a traffic cop writing out a parking ticket.I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.'He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes
The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care because I had ridden the bus downtown, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said , 'Obama in '08 .'
Now that I'm retired, I try to have a little amusement each day.
It's important for my emotional health.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have
you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still
it's a horror." -Jay Leno
***
"This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse
destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than
60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the
blaze." -Conan O'Brien
***
"I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm lying
on the couch and can't reach the remote, I think, 'Boy, a kid
would be nice right now.'" --Kathleen Madigan
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a
unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles,
my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's
this?" she asked.
"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to
her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings."
"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile,
"we'll use it next Christmas Eve."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
The Price of Heroism
A guy walks into heaven and is greeted by heaven's secretary. "Well hello Mr. Jones", the secretary politely says "We'd love to have you here, but I'm afraid you can't come in unless you did a good deed in your life, and your record doesn't show anything. Did you do anything good?" "Well recently, I saw this man being mugged by a three huge gang-bangers. So, I stopped my car, and pulled out my tire iron. Then, I walked to their leader and hit him hard on the head. After he fell dead, I looked at the others and said,'Who wants some o' this?" "That's very brave, and kind. What happened next?" Asked the celestial secretary. "I'm here now, aren't I?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Not So Great
Three baseball fans were having a conversation about what they would do when they die. When they finished they all agreed that the first one to die had to come back and tell the other two if they had a baseball team in heaven. Two months later one dies in a car accident. After the other two left the funeral they went to watch a baseball game. During the game they both felt a spirit around them and finally they realized it was the one that died. So at the same time they asked if they had baseball in heaven. The guy said "Yes yes yes they do but the bad thing is you're pitching Wednesday!"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
New Office Supplies
A little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. "I'll tell you why," shouted Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register." "Well, interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?" "Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils... each stamped with the words, 'Play Golf Next Sunday.'"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Underwater
DAD: How are your exams son? BOY: Underwater. DAD: Underwater? What do you mean? BOY: They're below C level.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Biblical Headlines
If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal
media...
On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed
On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed
On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple
On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior
On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy
On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed