TRIVIA: True or False? Chicago is nicknamed the
"Windy City" because of its blustery politicians.
Joel A. Barker said, "A leader is a person you
will follow to a place you wouldn't go by yourself."
Hmmmmm.
ANSWER AT BOTTOM
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"Nail Biting"
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it’s biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box."
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Oneliner
"All the world loves a lover - except people who are waiting to use the phone."
- Milton Berle
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CleanPun - "Make-Up"
Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.
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Call Center
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
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Thanks to JLH: Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there
for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a
motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up
to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a
guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket. So I called him a name. He glared at me and
started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him another name. He finished the second
ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he
started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused
him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't really care.
My car was parked around the corner...
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From JokesEveryDay: Raise
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss.
"There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other
companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the
gas company."
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Thanks to L.B.S. for the next several: CHRISTIAN HUMOR
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the
postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered
the lady.
.......................................................
When a church seeks a preacher, they want the strength
of an eagle, the grace of a swan, the gentleness of a
dove, the friendliness of a sparrow, and the night
hours of an owl. And when they catch that bird, they
expect him to live on the food of a canary.
.......................................................
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young
class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the
Bible... Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to
learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the
task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After
much practice, he could barely get past the first
line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to
recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby
was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to
the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my
shepherd...and that's all I need to know!"
.......................................................
A 5 year old boy was sitting down to eat when his
mother asked him to pray for his meal. He replied,
"Mom, we don't have to. We prayed over this last
night.
.......................................................
Preacher's Announcement Before Offering: "I would like
to remind you that what you are about to give is
deductible, cannot be taken with you, and the love of
which is considered in the Bible the root of all
evil."
.......................................................
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to give thanks before
Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their
heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking
God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then
he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister,
Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then
he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for
the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the
cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool
Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at
his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the
broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
.......................................................
A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he
spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella
on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you
a Christian?"
"Yes."
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she
answered, "Yes."
With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold
my quarter while I go swimming?"
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a
large city because he was short of time and couldn't
find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the
windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police
officer along with this note.
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give
you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO
TEMPTATION."
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A minister was forced to stop by a traffic cop to pull
over for speeding. As the cop was about to write the
ticket, the minister said to him, "Blessed are the
merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." The cop handed
the minister the ticket and said, "Go thou and sin no
more."
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ANSWER: According to my sources, Chicago is nicknamed
the "Windy City" because of its blustery politicians.
Weatherwise, Chicago is not even in the top ten of
America's windiest cities -- it ranks 16th, with an
average wind speed of 10.4 miles per hour.