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Raise Request
Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three men's work for one
man's pay. Now I want a raise.
Boss: Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the
other two men are, I'll fire them.
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CHAIN PREACHERS: An elder received a letter that
read, "If you are tired of your preacher, send a copy
of this letter to seven other churches that are
probably tired of their preachers. Then ship your
preacher to the church at the top of the list. Add
the name of your congregation to the bottom. In
thirty days you will receive twenty-one hundred and seventy-eight preachers, and out of this many you ought to be able to choose one to suit you. Warning! One church broke the chain and got their old preacher back..."
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Subject: Fw: Bible Giggles
Here are a few Bible giggles for you.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else
was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the
Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of
the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a
Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all
in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why
he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always
overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the
Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
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A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for
lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the
game. The pro showed him the stance and swing and then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
The pro just stood there and stared at the novice. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner in a
disgusted tone.
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How To Train A Cat
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
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CleanQuote.
"The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes before the lesson."
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Here is today's Illustration. - Identity
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."
He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary."
"How come?" asked the woman.
"Crooks don't usually buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
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Golf Cheat
Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a
fellow club member, "I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh
anymore. He cheats."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green."
"That's possible."
"Not when I had it in my pocket!"