A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of
college. She considered herself to be a very liberal
Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.
One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and
his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her
and asked her how she was doing in school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough.
She had to study all the time, and she never had time to go
out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and
didn't really have many college friends because of spending
all her time studying.
He asked, "How is your friend Mary?" She replied that Mary
was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA and never studied.
She was very popular on campus and went to parties all the
time. She often didn't show up for classes because she was
hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's
office and have 1.0 taken off her 4.0 and give it to her
friend with the 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0
GPA.
The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I
worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing."
The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the
Republican Party."
+++++++++++++++++++
"I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and
somebody said I was a snake, I'd think 'No, actually I am a giraffe.'' -
Richard Gere
+++++++++++++++++++
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over
>> here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
>> figure out how to get it started."
>>
>> Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's
>> finished?"
>>
>> The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's
>> a tiger."
>>
>> Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
>> She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle
>> spread all over the table.
>>
>> He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box,
>> then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we
>> do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into
>> anything resembling a tiger."
>>
>> He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
>> Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." He
>> sighed .............. "Let's put all of the Frosted Flakes
>> back in the box.
+++++++++++++++++++
Healthful Place
Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an
airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a
healthful place?"
"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I arrived here I couldn't say
one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the
strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Wedding Report"
"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife.
"Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,' and then things really began to happen fast."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanQuote
"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Planning"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.
One question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the emergency room within the next three months?"