"Freedom Peppers"
A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o," not "ho-lo-peen-yo."
The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."
The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please."
The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Today's CleanPun Why was the Tibetan rooster unusual?
Himalayan!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
~Lucille Ball
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~Lucille Ball
"Animal Instincts"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
In the middle of one of Henry Ward Beecher's most potent political speeches, a member of the crowd gave a perfect imitation of a cock crowing. While the audience roared with laughter, the speaker gave no sign of annoyance, but he removed his watch and studied it while the noise died down.
"That's odd," Beecher said at last. "My watch says it's ten o'clock, but there can't be any mistake. It must be morning, for the instincts of the lower animals are absolutely infallible."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park
bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every
sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each
other's friendship.
One day the younger of the two turned to the other and said,
"Please don't be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed
after all these years. What is your name? I am trying to
remember, but I just can't."
The older friend stared at her, looking very distressed,
said nothing for two full minutes, and finally said, "How
soon do you have to know?"