Tuesday, August 23, 2005

hUMOR For August 23rd

********************************
Vacation Cut
Before going on vacation, I decided on the spur of the moment to have my very long, permed hair cut to a very short style shaved to the neck.
My first day back, I passed my boss in the hallway. "Did you miss me?" I asked.
"Miss you?" he echoed. "Who are you?"
********************************
Here is today's Oneliner.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
********************************
Here is today's CleanPun. - Rooster
A minister had just finished an excellent dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard."That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented.
"Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry!"
********************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!

"WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK!

"Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to
me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

"Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You
know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What's wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
********************************
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."

hUMOR For