A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
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Two-Part Question
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $1,000,000 Question
TV Quiz Show. The night before the big question, he told the host
that he desired a question on American History.
The big night arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the
studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the town. He was
the best guest this show had ever seen. The host stepped up to the microphone.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You
know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away
one million dollars richer. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence -- the crowd went nuts. He hadn't
missed a question all week.
"Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer
either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is
always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"
Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it. He
was not sure, but American History was his best subject, so he played it safe.
"I'll try the easier part first."
The host nodded approvingly. "Here we go, Bob. I will ask you the
second half first, then the first half."
The audience grew silent with anticipation.....
"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
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"You Know You Are a Geek When"
You know you are a geek when . . .
• You look at a movie trailer and think, "I have that font."
• You get bittersweet nostalgic feelings about your long-lost Commodore 64 (or Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80, etc.) and use large amounts of money & time trying to track one down.
• You check your web access_page more than once a day.
• You have more e-mail addresses than pairs of shoes.
• Although vaguely insulted by pocket-protector jokes, you still find them funny.
• Someone asks you what languages you know, and you reply: "German, French, Assembler, Java, and C."
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Oneliner
"A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar werry samaarat end gudd lukeeng mak manee spallings misstake... Vatt iz yorr opeeneum?"
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CleanPun - "More Name Puns"
More Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....
PROFESSION: NAME
Iron worker's son: Rusty
TV show star's daughter: Emmy
Movie star's son: Oscar
Barber's son: Harry
Housewife's son: Dusty
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The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop
urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time
to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
* * * * Choosing Your Husband * * * *
If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their
fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so
much at weddings.
* * * * The Younger Generations* * * *
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they
didn't have anything to do with it.
* * * * What is an Antique? * * * *
An antique is something your grandmother bought, your mother
threw out, and you are now buying back.
* * * Things Mom Would Never Say * * *
1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look
more cheery."
4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another
week."
5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to
feed and walk him every day."
6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough
for me."
7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not
like I'm running a prison around here."
8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve."
9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound
to improve."
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Dear Abby (Mother of the Bride)
DEAR ABBY: "P.O. in New Jersey" was angry because her sister-in-law
purchased an identical wedding dress after seeing hers. Here's
another way she could handle the situation:
The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready and
nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents'
nasty divorce. Her mother had finally found the perfect dress and
felt she would be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young
stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to
exchange it, but Barbie refused. "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear
this dress. I'll look like a million bucks in it."
Jennifer relayed the conversation to her mother, who graciously
replied, "Never mind, dear. I'll get another dress. After all, it's
your special day, not hers." Two weeks later, another dress was
finally found. When they stopped for lunch that day, Jennifer asked,
"What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should
return it. You don't have any place to wear it."
Her mother grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear. I'm wearing
it to the rehearsal dinner!" -- JUDITH, HOUSTON
Abby's Response:
DEAR JUDITH: I like her sense of humor.