Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work
1. You've read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 2006 - and
it's only the middle of February.
2. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough
produces images of Elvis ... Or maybe Mister Rogers.
3. You've definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island.
4. You decide to see how many Jolt Colas you can drink before the
inevitable explosion occurs.
5. Co-workers come into your cubicle frequently ... to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
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"Goober Ice Fishing"
If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/whatsagoober.htm
There were two good ol' boys from the South who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off.
In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need a dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.
In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how's the fishing going?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet.
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"Refined Shopping"
A very refined young man comes to a small food shop and sees fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does it.
"And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every berry in a separate piece of paper, too." She does.
"And what is it there," he asks pointing out at something dark in the corner.
"Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they're not for sale."
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Today's Oneliner
"Never run out of altitude, air speed, & ideas at one time."
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CleanPun - "Computer"
The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
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"Things Overheard on Noah's Ark"
10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?"
7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?"
6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!"
5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!"
4. "No Ham, you cannot eat the Pig!"
3. "And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug out."
2. "Nice Doggie!"
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING OVERHEARD ON NOAH'S ARK.....
1. "Are We There Yet?"
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CleanQuote
"Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source." - Ron Nesen
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"Prayer Motivation"
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."