It Started With An iPhone
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got
him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very
happy when she bought me an iPad.
My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod
Touch.
September came by, so for my wife's birthday I bought her an
iRon.
It was around then that the fight started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be
integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and
iClean. This unfortunately activated the iNag app.
Which led me to the iHospital and iGet out Thursday.
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Marksman
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on
walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet
hole in dead center.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be
the village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man.
"How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," was the reply. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi, all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start…”
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It's Fixed!
My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read:
"Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn,
and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left
turn and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon
discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair
order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove
bowling ball from trunk."